


Domination

by kayla_desirae_collins, ProjectAngela



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-14
Updated: 2015-09-17
Packaged: 2018-03-20 22:25:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 23,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3667479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayla_desirae_collins/pseuds/kayla_desirae_collins, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProjectAngela/pseuds/ProjectAngela
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Introduction</p>
<p>Looking over at the newspaper article that laid a few feet away, I immediately looked at the current date. Today was March 30. Seemingly, the start of January was yesterday. Like the new year had just began. Only,  a fourth of the year had already slipped away. Time was flying by, whether you were having fun or not. And in this case, the year started off as complete hell. I started to despise the person who came up with the saying "things will get better,  they always do." For you,  times only seemed to get worse. Between being extremely ill and losing family and friends, I started to care less about things. My education, my goals, my appetite, and somewhere in all that fun,  I lost the sight of myself. Who I am,  well... Who I used to be. Who I wanted to be. None of that matters now. With the increasing pool of the deceased, I had no one,...I have no one. No job, no car,  no permanent  roof over my head. All the things I thought I'd always have, gone. Not even my boyfriend that I had for several years through school. He ended it quickly after everyone I loved started to die and I miraculously out lived all of them. He believed that I had done all those things...  He informed me that I needed to get some help. I believed him. I tried to get help,  not just for his and my situation, but for all the other bullshit I was going through. However; it never occurred to me, that I wasn't the one needing to be saved. It is impossible. Not only am I not worth saving, but I can't be. I can't be saved. Not by anyone I know personally, they're all dead. Recently I've come to realize anyone I do become acquainted with,  dies shortly after. I've decided to stop risking everything. Everyone's lives for me. It's not worth it. I could seek the help of every person, body and soul on this planet and I'd be the last person standing. When all of this started,  I felt like something was after me. There still is. Before all of this started to sink in I was scared. Now, I could careless. Because no matter what I do, say, or even plan will give me the answers I need. I can't be saved. And the realization of my situation has set in. I've accepted it. What ever my fate is,  whatever happens, whatever is after me; it's going to happen. I'm a simple human; nothing special. I know things, that most people on this planet don't. Well they've heard of these types of things,  but most say they don't believe in them;  that its all fairytale and make believe. But what others opinions are, are nothing of importance to me. All the things I need to know are I'm not, nor ever will be the same funny, extroverted girl I was only a year ago; I know that angels and demons are real,  along with the other fillers like vampires,  werewolves, ghosts, and even windigos. I know that I can't be saved. The worst part, about not being able to be saved,  is not knowing exactly what from. I do my research, and I've come about finding that all fantasy's are real. All except for unicorns and as far as I know the lochness monster. Through all this,  I haven't run into anything that even fits a piece to my puzzle.</p>
<p>What I've learned is, is that if I lay low,  and keep to myself everything is ok. No one dies; no one gets hurt. I understand the responsibility of keeping others from dying, so staying in one place for to long is a no go. I move town to town. Leaving hardly any traces that I was even there. I stay in motel rooms that reak of cigarette smoke and other smells I necessarily don't care to find out what they are.  My possessions are limited to what all I can fit into my back pack. I have a phone,  only to keep up with the latest news of the current town I'm in, the world news and for research . I'm lonely. Being isolated wasn't a thing humans were supposed to have to go through. Being alone on occasion was nice,  but now that isolation is the way I live its not necessarily my cup of tea. I miss interaction. The touch of others, the smell,  laughter. I haven't had myself a good laugh in who knows how long. And though these things I miss, may sound odd, and could possibly persuade others to think that I am a serial killer, it's the fact that I've never been on my own before. For my whole twenty years, I've had family to welcome me and comfort me. Friends to hangout and make memories with. Even the occasional meeting people at the grocery store and saying a simple hello. In my current situation, I dare not even risk that.</p>
<p>I'm scared and I'm lonely. I can't be saved and everyone I've ever loved is dead. I'm alone in this scary messed up place. And from what I know about angels and demons and these so called Winchester boys, what comes after this place; the life I am currently living, isn't much better.</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Introduction
> 
> Looking over at the newspaper article that laid a few feet away, I immediately looked at the current date. Today was March 30. Seemingly, the start of January was yesterday. Like the new year had just began. Only, a fourth of the year had already slipped away. Time was flying by, whether you were having fun or not. And in this case, the year started off as complete hell. I started to despise the person who came up with the saying "things will get better, they always do." For you, times only seemed to get worse. Between being extremely ill and losing family and friends, I started to care less about things. My education, my goals, my appetite, and somewhere in all that fun, I lost the sight of myself. Who I am, well... Who I used to be. Who I wanted to be. None of that matters now. With the increasing pool of the deceased, I had no one,...I have no one. No job, no car, no permanent roof over my head. All the things I thought I'd always have, gone. Not even my boyfriend that I had for several years through school. He ended it quickly after everyone I loved started to die and I miraculously out lived all of them. He believed that I had done all those things... He informed me that I needed to get some help. I believed him. I tried to get help, not just for his and my situation, but for all the other bullshit I was going through. However; it never occurred to me, that I wasn't the one needing to be saved. It is impossible. Not only am I not worth saving, but I can't be. I can't be saved. Not by anyone I know personally, they're all dead. Recently I've come to realize anyone I do become acquainted with, dies shortly after. I've decided to stop risking everything. Everyone's lives for me. It's not worth it. I could seek the help of every person, body and soul on this planet and I'd be the last person standing. When all of this started, I felt like something was after me. There still is. Before all of this started to sink in I was scared. Now, I could careless. Because no matter what I do, say, or even plan will give me the answers I need. I can't be saved. And the realization of my situation has set in. I've accepted it. What ever my fate is, whatever happens, whatever is after me; it's going to happen. I'm a simple human; nothing special. I know things, that most people on this planet don't. Well they've heard of these types of things, but most say they don't believe in them; that its all fairytale and make believe. But what others opinions are, are nothing of importance to me. All the things I need to know are I'm not, nor ever will be the same funny, extroverted girl I was only a year ago; I know that angels and demons are real, along with the other fillers like vampires, werewolves, ghosts, and even windigos. I know that I can't be saved. The worst part, about not being able to be saved, is not knowing exactly what from. I do my research, and I've come about finding that all fantasy's are real. All except for unicorns and as far as I know the lochness monster. Through all this, I haven't run into anything that even fits a piece to my puzzle.
> 
> What I've learned is, is that if I lay low, and keep to myself everything is ok. No one dies; no one gets hurt. I understand the responsibility of keeping others from dying, so staying in one place for to long is a no go. I move town to town. Leaving hardly any traces that I was even there. I stay in motel rooms that reak of cigarette smoke and other smells I necessarily don't care to find out what they are. My possessions are limited to what all I can fit into my back pack. I have a phone, only to keep up with the latest news of the current town I'm in, the world news and for research . I'm lonely. Being isolated wasn't a thing humans were supposed to have to go through. Being alone on occasion was nice, but now that isolation is the way I live its not necessarily my cup of tea. I miss interaction. The touch of others, the smell, laughter. I haven't had myself a good laugh in who knows how long. And though these things I miss, may sound odd, and could possibly persuade others to think that I am a serial killer, it's the fact that I've never been on my own before. For my whole twenty years, I've had family to welcome me and comfort me. Friends to hangout and make memories with. Even the occasional meeting people at the grocery store and saying a simple hello. In my current situation, I dare not even risk that.
> 
> I'm scared and I'm lonely. I can't be saved and everyone I've ever loved is dead. I'm alone in this scary messed up place. And from what I know about angels and demons and these so called Winchester boys, what comes after this place; the life I am currently living, isn't much better.

It was just after 8 o'clock when the moon took the place of the sun. Nights were growing warmer, leaving the winterish chill behind. The night sky was nearly cloudless. Only a few off to the distance and some little puffs scattered here and there. The stars shown bright. Leaving the sky with vibrant sparkles glistening along with the glowing moon.

It had been a few days since you were able to get out of the dingy motel room. The old smell of cigarette smoke still flaring up your nostrils. You wondered to yourself how you hadn't succumbed to the sent, seeing as that is all you ever smelled. Your recent life style changes portrayed a negative effect on your social and emotional position. You stood out completely, unable to stay in the same place for to long. The very prominence luring as a shadow behind you. Altogether, it had been almost a month since you strayed away from social interaction. Leaving your mind to wander and making you feel uneasy most days.

Although it was a beautiful night, there was a slight wind chill. You slipped your hoodie on and immediately following you placed your backpack on your shoulders. To keep in extra warmth, you let your hair hang down covering your ears, flowing downwards past your shoulders and your hood placed directly on the top of your head. Grabbing your room key, you glanced around your room once more before stepping out and making sure it was locked.

Cars drove past you on the street. You were walking gracefully down to the 24 hour mart a few blocks from the motel. The wind blew softly, making the leaves rustle and frizzing up your kempt hair. Coming up to the steps, you notice only a few cars remaining in the lot. One being an old black Chevy model. Walking a little out of the way to get a closer glance you realize it's a 1967 Chevrolet impala. A beauty and a sight to see. For some hidden reason, you smiled to yourself for a few short seconds. Your father had a real soft spot for classics. The smile vanished within the same way it appeared. The thought of your father only brought you back to the here and now. Walking away swiftly, you entered the store noting a few people gathered around a counter checking out. Some were still traveling around the store as you noticed two men in particular.

They were arguing back and forth. One of them was tall. No, the word tall didn't exactly cover it. At a guess, you placed him at least 6'4 ish. He had longer hair that just fell short of his jaw line. The other man was a little shorter, about 6'0 to 6'1. His hair was short and spiked in a way. His eyes a shimmery green. From what you could tell, the shorter one was making all the fuss, leaving the taller one having to compensate and hand over a few bills.

You watched them intently. It was almost as if you recognized them. But from where... Your gaze broke when you noticed the tallest one stare at you, motioning for the other to take a glance. Before your eyes interlocked with the second guy, you quickly started moving again. After a few minutes of feeling at ease, you pull out your list and began to retrieve what was noted. Just when you thought it would all be fine, you realized you forgot to get a desert for the few days you had left to stay in this town. You walked over to the dessert isle, only then realizing the mistake you made.

The two men were gathered there. The tall one looking a little irate and the shorter one undecided. Looking between the both of them, you again, decided you knew them from somewhere. The thought ate at you the more you thought about it. The placement almost sought when again the taller one spotted you. After a few short seconds the shorter one looked up towards the taller one noticing his delay in responding. Looking from him, and following his glare, only to end up looking straight at you. Before leaving your eyes he looked as if he was consumed with confusion. Quickly looking back at the other guy and speaking a few words. You decided this might be your last chance to depart without confrontation, so you grabbed a random tart, and rapidly headed towards the counter.

Giving the cashier a quick nod in place for a thank you, you headed out of the door. Before stepping off the last step, you heard a low voice call out behind you.  
"hello, excuse me miss? "  
Turning without a time to stop yourself, you looked him in the eyes. It was the taller one again for the third time tonight. Without your confirmation, he proceeded, " My name is Sam, and the other guy in the store, that's my brother Dean. I don't mean to intrude, but I believe I've seen you before. On the news in fact." after a few moments of silence he spoke again, " Are you (y/n)? The missing girl from Michigan?"

All at once, it hit you as if you were struck by lightning. Sam and Dean. As in Winchester. And they knew who you were. Without a slight hesitation, as if Sam knew for sure it was you. "shit," you exclaimed in a hushed whisper only you could hear, "it's going to be a long night."


	2. Chapter 2

Your thoughts were racing around in your mind. Do you drop everything and run; leave town tonight? Or do you stay and see if they can help. Out of all your research, their names came up a lot. Maybe they could help.

No, even if they could, you weren't going to risk it. They are valuable hunters and without them the world could cease to exist. Ignoring the fact that they almost destroyed it a few years ago with the so called apocalypse you read about. It wasn't their fault, it was fate. But even with that, they managed and indeed saved the world.

You decided. Without further hesitation, you dropped your bags and ran the other way. Pulling your focus to your legs and their swift movements, you could barely even hear the yelled "SON OF A BITCH" behind you. You ran in deep thought. Concentrating like you used to do when running track. You kept your eyes forward never bothering to look behind you.

You ran from what felt like ever. Slowing your speed, you turned back to glance. No one was behind you, but you heard a rumbled roar of a motor coming up quick. Looking at your surroundings, you noticed there wasn't anything to hide you. You stood there, trying to think of a plan. But nothing came to you quick enough. The lights of the old classic were approaching you rather quickly, until they were only a few feet away. As you heard the car being placed into park, both side doors opened. Sam and Dean exiting slowly. You watched them carefully; trying to follow both of their every moves. Sam spoke up first.

"Were not here to hurt you," he explained. You knew this. You ran for their protection not yours.  
"Damn you run fast," Dean shared. You looked between the both of them. Kind of afraid to speak up. After silence, their faces turned to confusion and curiosity. They looked between each other and then back at you. Slowly, you started taking small steps back.  
"Look, we just want to talk," Dean said softly. Sam broke him off before he could say more and started a one way conversation with his brother like he did at the store. You listened carefully and made a few words out of it.

"I think she's scared, Dean."  
Turning their gazes back to you, you spoke up.

"Y-you guys don't need to help me, you can't help me. I can't be saved. You are putting yourself in danger." you replied with a scared emotion showing in your voice.

"What do you mean, (y/n)," Sam questioned.

"I'm danger to anyone I'm around. Everyone I interact with keeps dying. And I-I can't stop it... "your words trailed off. Tears pressing at your eyelids.

"Calm down, it's okay, " Sam gestured.

"About how long after interaction does it take for the others to kick the bucket?" Dean asked. Looking suspiciously between you and his brother. You spoke softly, questioning his motives.

"About a week... " There was silence again for some time. Everyone lost in their own thoughts. A few minutes went by before anyone conversed.

"Alright then, come on. We have work to do." Dean ordered. You petitioned his statement.

"What?" you asked.

"You're coming with us. Get in the car we need to figure this out before time runs out," he pushed. Sam didn't even counteract his brothers statements. He stood there going along with it all.

"I-I can't... " you strayed.

"Look, you stated everyone you interact with dies within a week. I'm not sure what exactly you call this, but in my terms, it's already too late for us."Dean disclosed. You hesitated. He was right, but it didn't feel like the right thing to do. Sam, clearly seeing your unease, finally spoke up.

"(y/n), it's what we do. Save people. Not only if we figure this out would we be saving you. But others that get close to you. Besides, it's not healthy to live like this." Looking over at Dean and back at Sam, you could tell they were sincere. Slowly, you walked to the car. They both had a point. It is what they do, and it was already to late. All you could do now was help them save you, so that you could save them. You walked over on Deans side, as he had opened the door for you. You sunk into the impala as he shut the door behind you, only to shift down into the drivers seat himself. Sam already seated, Dean looked back at you from the rearview mirror and quickly put the car in reverse and backed away.  
\--------------------------------------------------------

There was barely conversation as you all drove to what ever destination you were headed to. You had no idea where you were going, and you weren't really in the mood to ask. Somewhere between passing cars and the bright vivid street lights, your eyes closed due to the heavyness.

You awoke to a light shove to your shoulder. Sam gently calling your name as you came to. With a light smile he elucidated your arrival. Grabbing your coat, you stretched while getting out of the car. The air remained chilly and you couldn't quite remember taking your jacket off. Slipping it on again and adjusting your hair, you were quickly handed your backpack by Dean. They must have picked it up after you darted.

You followed the brothers into the building, Dean taking the lead.

"What is this place?" you asked.

"It's the bunker. It's our home, we.. uh, sorta inherited it you could say, " my question answered by Sam. As Dean opened the door, he moved over allowing Sam and myself to enter first. Behind us Dean shut the door and locked the bolt. I followed Sam into a room where there was a table and built in shelves in the walls. It was fascinating really. In the shelves were tons of books. This was like nothing you've ever seen. Sure you've been to libraries, but all those books were mixed genres and authors. These more than likely held a significance to hunting.

Quickly drawing yourself back to real life, you noticed a third man had entered the room. Sam, Dean and the mystery man were over by the table talking in hushed voices. His presentation of himself made you instantly think of a business man. He wore a tan trench coat that covered a black suit with a white under shirt. A blue tie hung off of his neck and his hair was combed downward. His eyes were the color of the ocean. It actually felt like you were looking out of a window towards the pacific. Those eyes were beautiful. They held hope and purpose. "eyes are the window to the soul." A quote you had remembered from somewhere unimportant. Whoever it came from must have met this man. Everything ordinary; the tie, the coat, and pretty much everything else, he made it all look extravagant. Something about him was drawing you near. You strangely wanted to enclose the gap between, but fought the urge. Wait a second, was that..., no, it couldn't have been. You're just seeing things. But it looked as if..., no that's crazy. Of coarse they werent real. Looking back up to his eyes, you noticed him staring straight at you. Along with his, you felt 2 other pairs of eyes piercing right through you. Unaware of how long you were in awe, you quickly blushed and looked down. Luckily, someone spoke up. Thank you Sam.

"(y/n), this is our friend Cas. Cas, this is (y/n)," he spoke as you looked back up. Dean wore a smirk on his face, only making your face even more crimson. Looking over at Cas, you took in even more of his features. His expression was that of confusion as his eyes squinted. It was kind of adorable really. Looking down at your old dirty pair of converse, you quickly shot your head back and began to speak before you stopped to think it over.

"Hey Cas," you said shyly.  
\-------------------------------------------------------

Later that night, Dean showed you to your room. You placed the backpack on the desk and retrieved a clean pair of clothes and your shower bag. While walking into the bathroom, you replayed meeting Cas over in your head. He was pretty straightforward and after replying to your hey, he remained silent. He was different. Kind of strange, compared to everone else you had known.

After washing your hair and body, you left the shower and started brushing your teeth. Living on the road was messy and most of the time down right filthy. So one of your main focus's was to stay clean and have perfect hygiene. Finishing you your teeth, you cleaned your face and then headed for bed.


	3. Chapter 3

Four days had passed. Still hunting for a survival plan. Nothing really stuck out, so you were basically left with nothing. No leads, no ideas, zip. In these short days however, you became more acquainted with the boys. Well, Sam and Dean. Cas didn't ever really say much, and he stayed off to himself, only answering questions from the brothers. He gave you the feeling, that he didn't really like you. You felt as if you were being ignored by him, and if it wasn't for the time running out, you probably would have pressed the issue. 

About 4ish, Dean and Cas went into town for a food run. You and Sam were sitting at the table reviewing books and searching the web. While reading, curiosity struck you and finally gave in. 

"Hey Sam,"  
"Yeah, " he spoke looking up from the screen at you.  
"Is Cas short for something, or literal?" you asked. Before answering, he produced a slight chuckle.  
"It's short for Castiel. Why?"  
"Just curious," you stated trying to get back to work. After a while however, you wanted more answers and now was the perfect time.  
"How long have you known him?" Taking his eyes off the screen again, a grin across his face, he answered.  
"It's been a few years now. He's been a tremendous help with everything we've gone through. In my opinion, we don't give him enough credit." You smiled. As you were about to ask another question, Sam intruded.  
"(y/n), you don't have a crush on Cas do you?"  
"What?" you stammered. "No, of course not, I'm just curious. He doesn't say much, so I don't really know a lot about him." Sam smirked and watched you to see if you were lying. You weren't, you really wanted to know more about him. However, Sam didn't need to know about the crush so you gave him your best poker face. Settling for another question, Dean and Cas entered the bunker. Your questions would have to wait. 

"Have you found anything?" Dean asked curiously with a little ounce of hope.  
"Still nothing," Sam replied. Cas entered the room right after Dean and leaned against the wall. He glanced towards you, and then back down to the floor while crossing his arms. What is eating at him. Was it the fact that you were basically a human time bomb for the brothers. The question still remained. Why did he hate you. 

"Hello (y/n), are you still in there?" Dean questioned. Ops.  
"I'm sorry, what?" you stammered turning to look at him. His grin stretched from cheek to cheek.  
"What?" you said again hastily.  
"Do you want your burger now or later? " he said in a monotone voice. With out hesitation you replied.  
"I'll eat now."

Moving down towards the other end of the table, you started to set the plates and display the food. Sam had a cobb salad, you and Dean had bacon burgers, and Cas, like always, didn't eat. You never questioned it though, considering you two weren't buddy buddy.  
When the food was on the plates Dean and Sam eased over; Sam carrying yours and his own drink. Dean sat on the end and Sam and yourself sat on the opposing sides. Sam unfortunately sat down before you could choose his spot. Now, you had to face towards Cas, who still leaned against the wall looking at Dean and Sam, the ground, and practically everywhere but at you. Needless to say you ate your burger staring at the table and your drink in front of you. After finishing you looked up to Dean staring at you.  
"Yes?" you asked. With another smile he answered.  
"Saving some for later?" Sam must have looked up because he immediately started to laugh himself. Not completely understanding, you wiped your face. His grin widened. Then you looked down at your shirt. With your luck, ketchup had fallen onto your shirt. 

"Shit, this is going to leave a stain," you said as you jumped up. Knowing you had an undershirt on, you tried taking your top shirt off. While in the process, your undershirt must have come up because two hands grabbed pulling it back down. It was Dean and he was flashing his famous smile. Luckily he had done this, or else the three of them would have seen your neon pink laced bra. Slightly embarrassed at even the thought, you turned to walk off.  
"I'm just going to go put this in the wash," you exclaimed. Your face was turning dark crimson again. Despite your efforts to leave and grab a breath, a deep voice stopped your process. 

"Wait," Cas said harshly. Completely frozen by his nature, he walked up to you as you slowly turned around. Sam and Dean were completely confused as you. Curiosity displayed on their faces. As Cas approached you, all the blood seemed to rush to your face. He stood directly infront of you when he started to speak again. 

"What is that scar from?" he questioned.  
"Which one?" unclear from what he meant. You had a lot of scars and the one he was referring to escaped you.  
"The one right here," he said as he reached out and dragged the line from your appendix all the way up to the middle of your breastplate. How did he know it reached that high? And in the exact same spot. Those two questions didn't come until a little later. Your key thought was his touch, and the places that he nearly touched. As your mind drifted of to a place with him and his tie, he drew you back.  
"Well?" he said as if what he just did didn't affect him in anyway. How did that not phase him. It left you completely breathless. You looked up at Sam and Dean. The boys for once in a long time shared different emotions. Deans expression was portrayed as *Damn Cas, could you have got any closer* where as Sam's was of complete utter shock. As if he didn't believe Cas had just violated you.  
"Oh that one, that's just a scratch," you tried to play it off not wanting to explain it. They all didn't revoke their gazes. Cas even started squinted his eyes and you knew you weren't getting out of this one.  
"I uh-i was in a car accident a while back. I was in the car with some of my friends. I was the uh, the driver and I-I got distracted. My friend and her boyfriend, they um- they were arguing and fighting physically. She kept hitting him and he grabbed her and was fixing to shove her against the side door. I tried to stop them, to-to get them to calm down." I paused for a moment as they all took it in. "I got distracted and I drove off the bridge into cross creek." I stopped. The tears that were threatening to surface fell down my face. I couldn't stop them from running. As I looked up at the boys their faces were full of sympathy. Before I gave them time for apologies I pushed back the tears, wiped my face and spoke again.  
"When the car landed, it landed upside down and half was in the creek and the other half was in the bedrock. I don't remember anything besides flying off of the bridge, but I awoke in the hospital, and um- ...the doctor, he said that uh-... my two friends, the boyfriend, and my-my little" I chocked again. You lost it completely. You fell to the ground and before you knew it, Cas had you in his arms. He stroked your hair and Sam and Dean followed pursuit. Dean brought tissues and Sam brought over your water. It felt like a century before you decided to speak again. They remained quiet. Cas holding you, Dean and Sam close by kneeling on the floor.  
"I killed my little brother... I killed all of them. Their families loathed me. Hell, my own family couldn't even look at me for days. And of course it was a small town, so word traveled fast. I was the towns disgrace. Somehow life went on, but they treated me differently. Everyone waived at everyone; everyone smiled at everyone, except at me. I was a ghost. Even in my own home." After a little while, Sam spoke up.  
"(y/n), I'm so sorry to hear that. But you know you were only trying to do the right thing. Accidents happen."  
You shook your head and looked down. You've thought about this over and over. You were trying to persuade yourself that what you did was in fact the right thing to do, however; killing everyone wasn't. And it wasn't something you could just shake off.  
"Is that why you left?" Dean asked.  
"No, two weeks after the accident, my parents died, along with my older brother. That's basically when it all started. Except the expiration time was 2 weeks and it was only people I was close to. People kept dying, but I didn't officially leave until my boyfriend basically threw me to the curb. He said I was no longer myself and that I need to seek some help. Over time it turned to one week, and people I just said hello to were dead." 

You hadn't noticed that you were holding onto Cas as he you, until the mentioning of the boyfriend, and you felt his muscles tighten. Before you could glance at him, Dean interrupted.  
"So, this all started after the accident?" he questioned.  
"Yeah, I guess so." you answered as you sniffled you nose.  
"(y/n), I don't mean to be rude or anything, but I think we have a lead now," Sam said enthusiasticly. Letting go of Cas, you stumbled up onto your feet, wiped your eyes again, imposed a smile and cleared your throat. Looking down at the boys. Dean smiling back, Sam smirked with a slight sense of hope, and Cas stood glancing quizzical at you.  
"Okay, where do we start?" you said, trying to get off the thought of your friends and brothers death.


	4. Chapter 4

Following Sam into the other library, you sighed. "Maybe this will be the key" you kept thinking to yourself. Dean and Castiel were walking behind you. Their hushed voices whispering back and forth. You couldn't really make out what they were saying. 

As you all entered the room, dean immediately spoke up to Sam. 

"Sam, Cas and I need to talk to you for a second." Sam turned to them and realized the seriousness. They were about to walk out of the room when you stopped them. 

"What are you guys going to talk about that I can't be involved. Seriously, I want to help, and I can't if there is something more that you all know and I'm left out on."

"(y/n), Cas doesn't think it's a good idea for you to know." Sam spoke up. Clearly, there was already things you didn't know. You looked up at Cas, just as he looked to the floor. In other circumstances it wouldn't matter, but this one involved you.   
"Tell me," you spoke appalled. They remained silent. Looking over the boys and at Cas especially, you noticed something in each of them. "TELL ME!" you yelled this time. All silent, but Dean finally sighed and spoke up. 

"Look, not only does Cas think it's a bad idea, but I do as well. Were trying to protect you, to keep you-" you cut him off. 

"To hell with this protection crap. If anyone needs to be saved its you three. You deserve to be saved, because your trying to help me. I on the other hand don't deserve to be saved. I killed my little brother." you yelled again. You paused for a moment. Looking at them, you saw hurt in all of there eyes. You looked down, unable to keep eye contact." The only job in the world that I had, was to make sure he stayed safe. To make sure he was alive and tucked in at night. To keep him happy, and being successful in life. I killed the only person that ever loved me...he trusted me." your sentence was barely finished. The tears pricked up again. This time you pushed them back. And spoke up again. " So, I'll be damned, if I don't find out what ever this is, and it kills you too."  
Everyone was silent, looking into different directions. Castiels gaze didn't buffer once Dean began to speak.   
"alright," he said. Looking over at Sam, Sam shook his head for him to continue. He glanced at Cas. "Cas? What do you thi-" Castiel cut him off.   
"I don't think it is appropriate to do so Dean." as Dean and Sam both were about to debate his statement, your mouth shot out words before you even realised.   
"WHY? WHAT IS SO DAMNED IMPORTANT THAT YOU DONT WANT ME TO KNOW. IM TRYING TO HELP SAVE YOUR ASS, BECAUSE THESE TWO COULDNT STAY THE HELL AWAY." you were inches from his face before you realized it. The words were spitting out faster than you could stop. Each word you said made him flinch. Still yelling at him, "WHY DO YOU HATE ME HUH, WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU. EVER SINCE I GOT HERE, YOU KEEP TO YOURSELF AND YOU WONT EVEN HARDLY LOOK AT ME. I UNDERSTAND THAT EVERYTHING I DO SEEMS TO MESS SHIT UP. EVEN WHEN I THINK IM DOING THE RIGHT THING. SO PLEASE ELABORATE ON YOUR REASONING FOR YOUR ACTIONS TOWARDS ME." you hissed.  
Looking down at the ground, he looked up at Sam and Dean. A clear expression of other secrets being held. Castiel was speechless. He looked at the floor, then back up to Sam and Dean for help, and then back to you. You were pissed. You could feel the heat radiating off of you. Suddenly, you gathered yourself back together and stepped back out of his face. You needed some air, and apparently they needed to talk separately. As you kept slowly backing away, you explained.   
"I'll be outside for a walk." you turned and left. You needed to calm down. You were never this rude to anyone. Why was he just so frustrating.   
\--------------------------------------------------------

After a little while of sitting outside, someone opened the door from the bunker. A few seconds went by and you realized it was Sam. In all honest opinion, you weren't in the mood to talk to anyone about anything, you just wanted to be alone. He came up and leaned against his side of the car. The impala was unlocked so you had been sitting in the back. Sam didn't speak, or make any noises or movements. He just leaned against the car looking down towards the ground. After what felt like an eternity, you decided it was time.   
"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to yell or be over dramatic like that." Sam replied with a smile.   
"It's okay, (y/n), you don't have to be sorry. You have a valid point." Hushed silence continued until you began.   
"He just makes me so mad sometimes. I try and I feel like I'm just not good enough for him. I don't know what he expects out of me." Before you continued your rant, Sam broke you off.   
"(y/n), Cas doesn't expect anything. He just doesn't know how to be, when he's around you. Your everything thing he wants you to be. The thought of you in general, makes him happy." You were confused by his meaning.   
"What?" you asked unsure.   
"All I'm saying, is Cas only wants to protect you." he answered.   
"Does he not realize, we have less than 36 hours before you all die. I'm not the one needing protection here." he laughed at your remark. Knowing all to well that you were right. He leaned up from the car and turned towards you. Going around the open door in order to stand infront of you.   
"Speaking of our last 36 hours, we have a lead, and we've talked Cas into telling you the truth. About everything. No more secrets. However; do you trust us enough to know that we would never lie to you. Especially at a time like this?" he questioned. Anything is better than nothing. Even if it was crazy or uncomfortable.   
"Yea, I guess so." you stammered. You stood up and immediately took Sam into a hug. As suspected, he hugged you back.   
\--------------------------------------------------------

Walking back into the bunker, you spotted Dean and Castiel sitting in the room you had left. You hesitated, but after making eye contact with the both of them, you walked in with Sam behind you. Sitting down at the table, you placed your hands in your lap. Sam sat beside you leaving Dean directly infront of you, and Cas infront of Sam.   
"So," Dean said ending the awkwardness looming in the air. You looked up at Cas and seen it again. The same thing you saw the first night of meeting. They were huge black....wings? The first time you saw them, you thought your eyes were only playing tricks. Maybe now they were again. The boys were talking, but you stared starstruck at the beautiful enormous feathers.   
"Hey?!" Dean startled you.   
"Do you guys see those?" you asked out of thought. Looking around, the boys didn't seem to quite understand. You looked from the wings to the boys and then suddenly to Cas. His blue eyes piercing through you.   
"See what (y/n)?" Sam asked. Cas held a questioning look. Nevermind, you thought. They really would think you were crazy.   
"Nevermind, I just thought I saw something. I'm sure it's nothing. What were you saying Dean?"  
You glanced back up to Dean. They all held a curious face. Especially Castiel.   
"Well, we need to talk about that scar. We uh-we have an idea but we'll need to look just to make sure." None of this made sense to you.   
"Okay?" you said, clearly showing your confusion. Castiel stood up, Dean and Sam followed and they all gazed down at you. "I don't think I understand completely."   
" I need you to let me come inside you." Cas demanded. As soon as those words were out of his mouth, both Sam and Dean whipped around to face Cas. Sam clearly couldn't believe he had said that. Yeah, literally, thats what needed to happen, but how it was said was completely inappropriate. Dean had a huge smirk spread across his face. 

Castiel looked between them and then up at you and he immediately started blushing and stuttering. Your facial expression must have said it all.   
"I-I di-did not mean it like tha-" he tried but Dean interrupted. "Well now Cas, if that's how you feel. " At first, Cas squinted, and then his face went to complete embarrassment.   
"If that's not what you meant, then what the hell did you mean exactly?" you asked kind of afraid of the answer. They all shifted towards you.   
They took their time to speak up. Castiel was clearly done talking for the moment.  
"Remember I told you we wouldn't lie to you, right. Not at a time like this?" Sam proceeded.   
"Yeah," you stammered. Dean spoke up for Sam.   
"Well, Cas, he is a-uh, well he um..." Dean was lost for words.   
"(y/n), I am an angel of the lord." Castiel spoke softly.


	5. Chapter 5

Ha. My mind was racing. What did he actually mean an 'angel of the lord'. Was he being serious right now. Of course he wasnt. Maybe after all this time, and all the yelling I threw at him, he's trying to be funny. As if to lighten the mood. It worked. Before you knew it, you were laughing uncontrollably. And three guys were staring back at you like they missed something. 

"Why are you laughing?" Castiel questioned.   
"You know, you don't say much, but when you do your either being a jerk, or simply funny as hell." you stammered. Dean straightened up his posture. Clearly they didn't think it was very funny that their friend declared himself an angel.   
"(y/n), it's not a joke," Dean said seriously.   
"Personally, I don't think hell is very funny," Cas remarked. Dean turned to Cas and then back to you. The three of them looking into you with serious, tense stares. After a minute, you stopped laughing.   
"So, you all want me to believe that he's an angel?" you asked talking more to Sam and Dean than to Cas himself.   
"I told you we wouldn't lie to you." Sam answered. You thought about this. Maybe you hadn't imagined the wings. And even in this short amount of time, you believed Sam. They wouldn't lie to you. Their lives were at stake. You thought about your visit here. How he did seem strange and out of place. Distant even. 

An angel. An angel standing right infront of you and you never knew. Well besides the whole wing thing, that, you had thought was your imagination.   
"Sam, Dean, can I talk to you for a minute," you asked hastily. Giving Castiel a quick glance before leaving the room urging for them to follow. As you reached the kitchen area, words started pouring out of your mouth.   
"Why did you never say anything?" you demanded. They both looked at each other for a minute and then back to you.   
"Well, we planned on telling you everything on the first night, but when we arrived Cas thought it would be best to not to." Sam explained. You stood there for a moment.   
"He's a freaking Angel!" you presumed. "And neither one of you tried to stop me while I jumped down his throat a little bit ago?"   
Dean quirked up. "Your not afraid of Cas are you,?"   
"What?! No of course not,hes just... " you trailed off. Yes you were scared of him. Angels are powerful,and up until now you've never met one. Dean looked to you with his eyebrow raised.   
"Ok, maybe I am a little afraid of him. I just called him out on being a jerk, he might smite me or something." Without a moments notice, they were both laughing. 

Trying to regain themselves, Sam continued his chuckles and Dean attempted to speak, but failed. All at once you heard a flutter, only turning to see Castiel. You didn't want to say anything, and eventually Sam and Dean straightened up.   
"What is it Cas?" Dean asked.   
"We need to get this over with," Cas stated looking at you with his eyes squinted. *shit, please don't hurt me* you thought.   
"Right, so we'll need a place for you to lay. Do you want the bed or the table?" Sam asked kindly.   
"For what? Don't you need an X-ray machine or something. You said you needed to look and see. Were you talking about inside or the scar itself?" you asked. Dean flashed you a smile.   
"Cas is our X-ray machine," he emphasized, "but I'm pretty sure he would love to see the whole scar as a bonus ." Castiel sent him an inconceivable glare. You ignored that last part, more focused on the first.   
"What do you mean he's the machine?" you began, starting to freak out.   
"Hey, relax it will be ok. We wouldn't do this if we didn't have too. Would you prefer the bed or table." Sam asked. The table was closer, and the kitchen offered more lighting. So without answering, you walked over to the table and started to clear it off. Sam coming up behind you to help, Cas and Dean talked quietly in the background. You didn't even bother to listen. 

After it was clear from this weeks worth of papers, you looked up at the boys. Dean and Cas managed to join you and Sam by the table.   
"What now? You asked. You were still only wearing your undershirt. Not answering, Cas took a few steps towards you and you froze. Looking into your eyes, he slid his hands to the bottom hem of your shirt and folded it up. Your whole stomach was showing and the bottom hem remained low enough to cover your bra.   
"Lay down." he said in his gruff voice. Without hesitation, you listened; knowing what he was capable of. Going to the foot of the table, you gave Dean and Sam eye contact. Sam regifted a small smile for comfort, and Dean gave a smirk of satisfaction. You rolled your eyes and pushed yourself onto the table, slowly laying down. 

The next moment, Sam brought you a towel.   
"What's this for?" you asked.   
"Your going to want to bite down on that." Dean replied.   
"That bad huh?" you questioned. He gave you a nod, and you looked at Sam once more. Another reasurring smile. Back to Cas, but he wouldnt look you in the eye. Not even at your face. A small frown placed upon his lips. Without thinking it over, you quickly folded the rag and placed it in between your teeth. Cas gave a quick glance toward the others, and they quickly acted. Sam was at your feet and Dean by your arms. If dying wasn't foretold in the future, you might have found this whole experiment kind of kinky. I mean who wouldn't. Three hot guys, two of them as restraints, and one with the power to do anything. 

As Sam grabbed your legs and Dean your arms, Castiel finally looked at you. You saw something in his eyes. An emotion he was unclear about. Hurt, fear, sorrow? You didn't like that look upon him, it made you feel sorry for him. In a way, you kind of wanted to comfort him. Giving him a small smile, he removed the trench coat, and rolled up his sleeve to his right arm. You didn't question anything and you still didn't quite understand. However; they needed to do what they needed, and with having an angel, anything could be fixing to happen. You thought it better not to know what was about to go on, so you shut your eyes. Moving back over to you, Cas began without hesitation. 

The pain was excruciating. You felt the need to yell but nothing could escape. Your eyes remained closed. You tried hard to grab and kick in order to grab your stomach. As the pain moved up your body, it felt as if you were being set on fire. Finally the screams escaped you. The intensity was rising. You didn't know how long this could go on. All you wanted was for it to stop. You spat the towel out of your mouth and somehow, you managed to scream the word stop. Over and over you repeated it. Screaming and soon it was pleading. The intermittent discomfort lead you to tears pouring out like a waterfall. All to soon, you saw black. You were no longer conscious.


	6. Chapter 6

You awoke with a start. Your eyes popped open in a sudden panic but immediately calmed when you took in your surroundings. You were laid in Deans room; guns hanging on the wall. Why you weren't in your own, you didn't quite understand. You sat up to look around the room and noticed the painful throbbing in your head. It felt as if it were about to explode. Shutting your eyes and flinching from the pain, you heard a scuff across the floor. Your eyes opened immediately, only to find the ocean staring back. 

Castiel wasn't wearing his trench coat, or even the black dress coat that was usually underneath. He stared at you intently wearing his tie, the white shirt and the rest of his clothes. This struck you as strange. You'd never seen him take off his coats, and his hair was sort of unkempt. After realizing it was him, you laid your head back down, and shut your eyes. You lifted your arm, and pressed your fingers on your temple and rubbed softly. 

"Hey Cas," you managed to say. Your throat was dryer than you realized and your own voice made your head hurt worse. You heard him shuffle his feet over to you and you felt two fingers rest upon your forehead. Withing seconds, the pain was gone. You opened your eyes and layed your arm down. Looking into his eyes once more, you saw sadness within them. You didn't understand the reasoning for his sadness. You were oblivious. 

"Thanks. I keep forgetting. Angel power." you emphasized. He remained silent, removing his eyes off of you to the floor. He stood there for a while. Not saying anything; not looking back at you. 

"Cas," you asked, "Castiel, what's wrong?"  
After a moment, you remembered everything. The lead, the suspicioun of your scar, the pain. He kept silent and you spoke up asking too many questions. 

"Did you find anything? In the scar, was anything wrong? Anything different, out of the ordinary? Do we have another lead? Where are Sam and Dean? Why am I in Dean's room?" He looked back up at you, and then vanished using his angel mojo. You thought to yourself *what the hell is going on?* You were about to stand up when Castiel came back. In his hands was a glass of water and some saltine crackers. Walking them over to you, he spoke. 

"You should stay lying down, you need to rest." he handed you the water and sat the crackers on the table. He turned towards the door and before he took a step, you intervened. 

"Where are you going?" you questioned. 

"You need to rest. I will be right outside the door." he mumbled. 

"No, your going to sit down and answer my questions." you demanded. Remembering he was an angel you added "Please."   
He stood there for a moment. You sat back up and he turned to you as you were reaching for his arm to pull him down. "Sit," you ordered. 

"(Y/n), you need to lay down to-" he began as you cut him off. 

"Damn it Cas, I know your an angel and all, and you have the power to hurt me, but if you don't sit down and answer my questions, I'm going to get up and I'm going to go find Sam and Dean myself." you managed to sound authoritive. Without further hesitation, he sat on the bed, faced towards the door. At the mention that he could hurt you, more pain raced through him. He knew, he had already hurt you, and it killed him to see you in pain; knowing it was himself that caused it. It took him a moment, but he finally came through. 

"We found the causes of these unfortunate events. Inside, was a hex bag, made from a witch. Giving the circumstances, Sam and Dean already left to go "gank the son of a bitch" as Dean said. After I found the bag, dean brought you back in here." 

If he found it, and everyone was safe, why did he look so sad? He hung his head down, and didn't say anymore. You drank some water, and ate a few crackers as you thought more about this. 

"Where are they going to find the witch?" you questioned. 

"To Michigan, where your from. They will be back in a few days." he answered. 

"Everything is okay right. Since you found it their safe?"

"Yes," he stated immediately. He still looked sad, the way he talked was sad. You sat down your water on Deans bedside table and began to speak. 

"Castiel, if they are going to be okay, why do you look sad?"   
He didn't answer you. Instead, he looked up at you with crestfallen blue eyes, and then back down to the floor. You could no longer hold yourself back. You wanted to comfort him. No, you needed to. You hated seeing the angel like this. 

You pushed the covers back and pulled him into a hug all in one swift motion. Before he had time to counteract. You laid your head on his back shoulder blade and wrapped your arms around to his chest. At the feel of contact, he immediately froze and stopped breathing. After a while you let go, hoping for him to start the inhaling process. You weren't quite sure if angels needed to breathe, but you didn't want to take any chances. In fact, you knew nothing about angels, so this would probably be harder to comfort him than you thought.   
He started respiring again, but still said nothing. 

"Cas, you can talk to me. Please say something." you pleaded. How could you get him to open up to you. To talk about the problem. 

"You were in so much pain...," he explained and trailed off. What? Why was he worried about this. None of it made since to you.

"Cas, you did what you had to do. If it had to be done over, I would do it with no questions asked. It saved Sam and Dean, and others that I could have crossed paths with in the future." I admitted. 

"I know, but it still doesn't change anything." he insisted. 

"Castiel, I don't understand why your upset, we did what had to be done. Besides, I'm fine now. The little pain that was left over, you omitted. I don't like seeing you beat yourself up over this. Especially when I don't know why you feel this way." you explained. 

Before you knew it, you had an angel on your lips. He leaned over and brought his face to yours. His movement towards you was swift and you did not see it coming. Like your swift hug you gave him only a few seconds ago. At first, his lips were hard, and he quickly pulled away from you. His cheeks became vibrant red, and he started to stutter some words. You didn't even know what he was trying to say. You were in a trance. All you could think about was him kissing you and him pulling away. 

Coming back to earth, you saw the panic-stricken look upon his face and those beautiful blue eyes. You slowly moved over to him, he didn't say anything, he just watched your actions. You noticed his breathing increased as if he was terrified. You pushed his legs together while looking him in the eyes, and then you positioned yourself to where he was sitting in between your legs; you was on his lap. His breathing continued to increase as you slowly moved your hand up to his face. You traced his jawline with the tips of your fingers and slowly made your way up to his unruly hair. 

"Tell me more?" you said, more of a pleading question than a demand itself. You weren't afraid of him anymore, but you did want more of him. Not quite sure of what exactly was happening, he gave you the squinting stare and slowly moved his lips towards yours. You met him half way and this time, his lips were soft. He was gentle with you. As you kissed, you rubbed your fingers through his hair. It was smooth to the touch. For some reason, he wasn't holding you, or even touching you. You pulled away and he opened his eyes; wondering why you stopped. He gave you a little head tilt and the adorable squinty eyes. You looked down at his hands. They were holding the covers in closed fists. You reached down and grabbed them; pulling them towards you. Placing them on your sides, you made him hold you. Glancing back up at him, it looked like he was getting nervous again. 

"What's wrong Castiel?" you whispered.   
At first he didn't answer, he just stared at you in awe. Maybe he didn't want this. Maybe he had mixed feelings, and this wasnt what he was looking for. You started to feel like you pushed yourself onto him and he didn't particularly want you. Pulling away to stand on your feet, he stopped you. His grip on you tightened. 

"(Y/n), I, I've never done anything like this before." he stated. What did he mean exactly? Sex? He's a virgin! No he couldn't be. You couldn't be so lucky. 

"You havnt done what?" you questioned. He looked at you as if he was to embarrased to continue. 

"I have never experienced any sexual relations." he finally managed to say while he looked down. To be honest, you never had either. You planned to save yourself for marriage, but with all that has recently occurred, that didn't really matter to you anymore. 

"Hey, it's okay. I havnt either. The only thing I've ever done was kiss my boyfriend." you said, sort of hoping it would make him more comfortable. However; when you mentioned the word boyfriend he stiffened like he did before. Then it all clicked. 

When he held you in the hallway, cringing then when you mentioned your ex, Deans sexual remarks between you and Cas, the intended distance and lack of conversation. When Sam told you that Cas would never want to hurt you. How he wanted to protect you, and all the hurt in his eyes when he knew he was going to have to hurt you in order to save you and the others. When he didn't know how to tell you so he acted instead of speaking. How he was physically nervous about kissing you for the first time, and unaware of what he needed to do as you kissed him back. All of this flooded in at once, like the flip of a switch. Castiel had a crush on you. You knew this, because you felt this way. Although, you weren't shy to speak to him, and he physically frustrated you at times. 

Coming back from your thoughts, you saw his expression show worry. You realized he had been talking to you. 

"What is wrong?" he wondered. You lost the mood. You pulled his hands off of you, stood to your feet and took a few steps back. He looked at you with worrisome eyes. 

"Cas, we need to talk. With words this time." you added. He looked at you and quickly responded. 

"You need to lay down and rest. We can talk tomorrow." 

"No, we will talk now." you demanded. He shifted uncomfortably. "I need you,...Cas, I need you to tell me how you feel." 

"You need rest, " he continued as he got up and slowly headed to the door. Clearly he was trying to avoid this confrontation. 

"DAMN IT CAS, TELL ME!" you shouted after him, getting frustrated. 

"I can't," he said quietly as he stopped walking. 

"Why not,"you managed to ask without yelling. He hesitated. He was good at that. 

"Because I don't know how." he answered turning back to you, looking you straight in the eye. You were speechless. He was an angel, not a human, why was this so hard for you to comprehend. He didn't understand love, it was a human thing. Why did you expect him to explain his feelings, when he didn't know what these feelings meant. He basically told you he'd never felt these things before; that he'd never had sexual relations. And based off the first kiss, he clearly never even done that before either. 

He was still looking at you. Pleading for this to be finished until later. 

"Then show me." you posed.


	7. Chapter 7

He watched you intently from across the room. His arms dangled down from there sockets. He looked conflicted. 

"I can't." he finally answered. You were getting annoyed. Yes he could, he did it only a few minutes ago. In fact, if you would have left well enough alone, you probably would still have his undivided attention. 

"Yes, you can. You did it only a while ago."

"I know,"he answered, "however; I shouldn't have."

"Why. Why are you being like this. Do you have feelings for me or not. Everything thing you do, is throwing me off. I can't tell what your thinking Cas and I don't know what all this means. Do you want me or-," he interrupted your question. 

"Of course I do," he managed, " but it's not safe for you."

"What's not safe?" you pleaded. 

"Being with me, (y/n), there are to many possibilities that something will go wrong. I want to keep you safe," he stammered. 

"Cas," you said walking over to him slowly, "I'm willing to risk it." you made your way to him. Standing in front of him, he let out a sigh.   
"Do you want me?" you questioned. 

"(Y/n)," he started. 

"Castiel, answer me, do you want me?"

"Yes." he said looking you in the eye. "Yes, I want you. I want to protect you and love you." After he said this, you gave him a small smile, and kissed him quickly. He had more to say.   
"I don't know how to. I've never had these feelings before." he added. 

"It's alright, one step at a time," you spoke as you traced his jawline with your fingertips again. You felt the little prickle of facial hair coming through. You made your way back up to his hair and entangled your fingers through it. He pleaded a look of yourning as he glanced at your lips. 

"Castiel, kiss me," you told him. His lips were on yours in a matter of seconds. Like before they were soft, and utterly amazing. This time, he put his hands around your waist and pulled you closer to him. He placed one of his hands on your back for support, and moved the other to hold up your chin. He stroked his thumb over your skin. It was just lip to lip at first, but you pushed your tongue into his mouth. It tasted unbelievably fresh and as you continued, he let out small soft moans into your mouth. 

This went on for a few minutes. The minutes went on to what felt like hours. But you didn't care, the angel kept you more than satisfied. He held you up, neither one of you wanting to pull away. All of you was focused on him. You didn't notice him take you to your room(whether he walked or flew), you didn't notice when he moved closer to your bed, you didn't notice him setting down and shift you onto his lap. What you did notice was a continual ringing sound. It became frequent and overly obnoxious. You pulled away to inspect the bothersome sound. Cas opened up his eyes and smiled. This was the first time you'd seen him smile, and you'd give anything for it to remain there forever.

As you searched the room with your eyes,the infuriating noise stopped. You placed your forehead against his, and smiled back at him. Neither one saying anything, you moved your arms back up to his neck. Just as you placed your fingers in his nape hair, the ringing began again. 

"Damn it," you said frustrated. It was your phone. You stood from the angels embrace and went over to the desk. Whoever this was, better have something urgent to share. You didn't like that they were bothering you and your angel. Ah, your angel. You liked the sound of that. 

Opening up your bag on the dresser, you grasped your phone and read the caller. Dean. Of course it was him. He's persistent until he gets what he wants. You answered. 

"Hello?" you questioned agrivatively. 

"What has your panties in a wad?" he asked. 

"What do you want Dean?" you managed to say in a nicer way. 

"Well, Sammy and I have been calling Cas and he hasn't answered. Is he there with you?" Dean questioned. You didn't know what to say. Your mind went blank.   
"Yes," you answered shyly looking up at the angel on your bed.   
"Well, what the hell is he doing that is more important than answering us. We could be in danger." he stated as if offended.  
"Oh don't be so melodramatic." you huffed. Cas stared at you lasciviously. You wanted to hang up, knowing damn well the brother's werent in any danger. Your angel was making you feel erotic. 

You handed the phone to Cas, and quickly left the room. As you left he looked at you quizzically but started talking to Dean. You hoped he wouldn't follow. Separation was needed. Castiel wasn't like your ex-boyfriend. You wanted him, waiting till marriage wasn't a big deal to you anymore. And now that you knew he didn't hate you, but instead had the exact opposite feelings for you, you weren't looking to be hesitant. In fact, if you hadn't promised him one step at a time, you probably would have hung up on Dean. However, neither one of you were sexually active.* two bored virgins? What could possibly go wrong* you thought sarcastically. Sex is a two way street, and you hated when your ex tried to push you into it. So pushing or even bringing it up to the angel was out if the question. He was new to this all, and you knew very well he wasn't ready. 

Walking into the kitchen, you grabbed a glass from the cupboard and filled it with water. Leaning against the bar, your mind started racing. You needed to do something to get your mind off of your libido. Taking the glass in your hands, you walked into the hallway hearing Cas still talking to Dean. You decided to take a walk, fresh air would do you some good. 

You walked for at least an hour. You didn't have your cell so you weren't exactly sure of the time. It was getting dark; you didn't have a flashlight and the town was still a good two miles away. You wondered why Castiel hadn't come to find you. It had been a while and you left without a notice. Turning around to head back to the bunker, you notice a figure quickly approaching you. As it got nearer, he slowed and pulled a sucker from his mouth. 

"My, my. Castiel sure got a good one." the male said. 

"Who are you?" you questioned ignoring his tone. 

"I'm Gabriel, an older brother of Castiel," he answered honestly. Shit, not another angel. You just got comfortable around the first one. A little to comfortable really. 

"what do you want?" you answered hastily. 

"I want to make you a deal." he stated. You thought for a moment. This didn't sound good. 

"I thought only demons made deals." 

"This isn't a deal for your soul. It is not my place or in my power to inflict anything upon it." he resided. 

"How is it not in your power, I thought angels and demons had access to the souls of those of mortal life?" you questioned. 

"Usually we do, however, your soul is sealed. Therefore I cannot interfere with it." he answered. What did he mean your soul was sealed. Was that a good thing? Before you could question anything else, he continued.   
" I believe your wondering what exactly am I talking about. That and my purpose of being here." he continued after a slight pause. "Your soul is sealed because of my brother. To make it easier to understand, I believe the term you know it under is referred to as soul mates. Now understand this, neither angels nor demons, can kill you. However, torturing is not limited. That withstanding, if captured by either of them, you will wish you were able to die." Before he spoke up again you cut him off. 

"Wait a minute, soul mates? You can't be serious. And even if you are, why are you telling me all of this?"you wondered. 

"Because you are in danger. It's no longer safe for you to be alone. Your soul is now connected with Castiels and this poses a threat. You are his weakness, and with his current relationship with the Winchesters, both angels and demons are looking for his weak spots. The Winchesters are two of his weaknesses. Your the main attraction, he would do anything,give anything to make sure, at all costs, you stay safe." 

Some of this made sense and some was confusing. Before you left the bunker, before the extraordinary kissing session, Castiel said it wasn't safe. Now you understood. By Gabriel's tone, Cas would give everything, even his own life, to save you. Thinking about all the things you just learned, you immediately became aware of your current state. You were alone, with an angel. An angel that warned you about being alone with angels and demons. Cas was no where. 

"Why are you telling me this? Where is Castiel?" 

"I told you, because you're in danger." he provided. 

"No, if angels are out to get me, to get to him, why are you telling me all of this?" it took him a while to speak up. Angels and there hesitation issues. 

"We've all done things we regret. We've all betrayed each other in some way, shape and form. I owe this to my brother, my intentions are only to protect him. I was one of the few who choose not to take part in the war. Castiel showed me that wasn't an option; however, even though my involvement was inescapable, he's showed me I didnt have to pick a side and watch my brothers destroy each other. Instead, that there was a way to stop it. I tried to help him, but I feel as if I failed him."

You took all of this in. Understanding the truth behind it all. The apocalypse had ended without Michael and Lucifer battling and destroying most of civilization. Why did he feel as if he failed him. 

"Gabriel, why do you feel that way?" you questioned. He didn't respond. "Where is Castiel?" you asked feeling he wanted a change of subject. 

"Castiel encrypted the enochian sigils into your chest. No angel, including himself can hunt you. They can only come across you if they bump into you by happens chance. He cannot find you, and you left without your cell." Shit, he must be worried sick. You hadn't even told him you were leaving. 

"I have to get back to him." you insisted. As you began. To walk back, Gabriel intervened. 

"That's my deal offer, let me take you back so your safe. I owe it to Castiel." he said in a question form. You shook your head and he placed his hand on your shoulder. In a blink of an eye, you were back infront of the bunker. Gabriel was nowhere to be seen. 

You quickly hurried to the door and opened it. You heard raised voices coming from the library.

"They have her Dean. They took her," you noticed cas's voice. 

"Cas, there is no way they could have found her here." deans voice was gruff. Dean and Sam were back? I thought they weren't supposed to be back for a few days. Castiel started to raise his voice again. You'd never even seen him angry. You rushed to the library. As you entered, Sam was facing you and he looked up. Noticing Sam's surprised glance, both Dean and Cas turned towards you. For an angel, Cas looked like he had been through hell. He stood there in silence, unable to speak. Dean slowly walked over to you, Sam following. As they approached, Dean looked you over and gave you a sincere hug that lasted longer than normal. He pulled away, and Sam took you in another hold. 

Releaseing you, Sam asked you a question.   
"What happened to you?" you didn't really want to answer. Hearing castiel raise his voice at the brother's made you feel like a child in the wrong. You didn't want him to yell at you, for your poor excuse of wanting to go for a walk. Even though you were fully unaware of the danger. Sam and Dean both shifted at the same time, making a small gap in order for you to see Castiel. The hurt not subsiding from his beautiful blue eyes. You didn't like seeing him upset, so you spoke up revealing the truth. 

"I went for a walk," you said softly, barely audible. The boys gave each other a glance and sighed. Apparently they thought you had either been taken into heaven or hell, and you somehow managed to escape with no injuries or hassles. You explained everything that happened up to the point of meeting Gabriel. Castiel remained silent. Staring a hole in the ground. Sam and Dean moved towards the couch to sit and you followed. 

"So, if you were about an hour away, how did you get back so quickly?" Dean asked. It was then you mentioned Gabriel and Castiel shot his head up toward you. You told them all what you and Gabriel discussed and shared that he brought you back here, but was gone when you arrived. Sam and Dean looked towards each other in confusion and then looked up to Cas. You followed pursuit. Castiel held an expression of what was some what an irate manner. 

"Cas..., Castiel what's wrong?" you questioned. *Please don't be mad at me* you thought to yourself. You told him the truth, why did he look confused and angry as if you were lying. Dean quickly spoke up in his place. 

"(Y/n), Gabriel is dead. Lucifer killed him before the intended apocalypse."

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	8. Chapter 8

It was later that night and you sat in the library. The clock on one of the desks read 11:15. You had been back in the bunker for a couple hours now, and your mind was in a million places. 

After Dean told you Gabriel was dead, Castiel left without a moments notice. He appeared back about an hour after his departure. He spoke low in a whisper to the brother's. He didn't bother to talk to you. Let alone even look at you. You felt like shit, putting him through hell, making him worry. But you still didn't like the way he disregarded you. 

Something was up. After Cas spoke to them, Sam kindly asked you to leave the room. You gave your regards to Cas, but with no reaction, you left quickly. 

Since you left and came to the library, tears have pricked your eyes multiple times. You had to force them not to fall. You didn't know what was going on, if you were in danger at the moment for your carelessness. You were confused about the whole soul mate thing. Your questions were endless, and the person you wanted to ask about all of it, wasn't speaking to you at the moment. 

A tear slipped down your face and all at once, they started flooding out. The book you tried to read to release your mind fell to the floor. You curled into a ball on the sofa, and let the droplets escape from your eyes freely. A little while along, a hand fell on your shoulder. 

You jerked up to see who was offering you solace. It was a man you had seen before. Somewhere, but you couldn't remember where somewhere was. He wore a tattered old cap, a t-shirt covered by a plaid over shirt, and blue jeans. Under his mustache, a smile formed. 

"Who are you?" you questioned. 

"The boys never mentioned me?" he said with slight sarcasm due to disappointment. You recognized him. From a picture in Dean's room. The one with Dean, Sam, and the man infront of you now. 

"Are you Bobby?" you managed to ask. You sat up and wiped away the tears. 

"So they do talk about me behind my back." he answered with amusement. You could tell he was trying to cheer you up. You released a smug smile. 

"I'm (y/n)," you shared. 

"Nice to meet you. I am, as you already know, Bobby." his tone was friendly as he continued. " Which one of my boys hurt your feelings?" You laughed at his question. 

"None of them," you explained with a smile, " I just made a mistake and I'm dealing with the consequences." he gave you a look of concern. 

"What did you do?" he asked questionably. You didn't realize the proximity of your mistake until you spoke out about it. 

" I put myself in danger. Which put Cas, Dean and Sam in danger, again. " you explained. He looked down for a moment, collecting what you had said, and looked back up. 

"But you didn't know. About any of it. You just wanted to go for a simple walk. No intentions of harm or any wrong doing." he spoke as if he completely understood you. This is how you felt, but at the same time you felt at fault. 

"I know, believe me. But it was stupid and careless of me to even think about it with all that has happened to me in these last few months. I keep putting Sam and Dean in danger, I keep disappointing Castiel. Hell, he won't even look at me. And here I am, completely oblivious to anything and everything that is going on. I'm confused about this whole soul mate thing; about the dangers of it. I don't know what they are in there talking about. No one will tell me anything." you said starting to get upset again. "They don't even believe me," you explained as a tear fell to your leg. He put his hand on your shoulder again as if to comfort you. 

"The boys," he started, "all three of them, have been through a lot. Between Sam and Dean loosing their mother, and later their father, going to hell, purgatory, Cas being cast out of heaven, and everything else that has went on. They all go through some pretty weird stuff." Pausing for a moment, he turned and looked you straight in the eyes. " It's not that they don't believe you, they are just trying to wrap their heads around this one." thinking for a moment, you knew he was right. You had read so much about what they have done and you understood Bobby was telling you the truth. You shook your head in acknowledgement. It was silent for a few minutes until he spoke again. 

"Another thing, you aren't disappointing Cas. He just doesn't know how to deal with this sort of thing. He has never committed into a relationship before and until now, held no desire to. Angels don't express emotion. However, he is faltered. Not only is he new to the relationship part, but he's stuck on the fact that your souls are connected. It is extremely rare for souls to come into contact with the matching pair. Furthermore, your case has never happened before. An angel and a human have never been paired. There will be things that are extremely out of the ordinary. Things no one even knew could happen. Usually when the two souls connect, there are advantages and disadvantages, like any other relationship. However, being paired to an angel is obviously dangerous." he knew a lot about this. Well, a whole lot more than you did. His words were putting you at ease. Reminding you that Cas was unaware of his actions, and how they were hurting you. 

You realized, that was the majority of what got you down. The thought of being a disappointment, but having it all cleared up in someone else's words made you feel somewhat better. Enough to stop the tears, and replace them with a small smile. 

"Thank you Bobby," you said, leaning over to give him a hug. 

"Hey, it's what I'm here for kiddo," he regifted with hugging you back. "How about I go get the boys and talk them into cluing you in?" he questioned. 

"I would like that," you explained still smiling. He stood up and walked over towards the door and before he left he gave you a reassuring smile. Shutting the door behind him, you noticed the book on the floor. Grabbing it, you went back to the shelf to which it belonged and returned it. As you turned back around,the door opened and all three boys walked in. 

"Hey," you stammered. They looked at you. Cas suddenly looked concerned and he walked over to you. 

"Why have you been crying?" he asked caringly as he placed his hand on your cheek. You glanced up at him and noticed Sam and Dean filling in the space between you. 

"I was just upset about..." you trailed off. You removed his hand and placed it in yours. He was trying to be affectionate and you were going to take advantage of this time. " I was upset about a few things, but I'm okay now." you shared with a smile. 

"What were you upset about?" Sam questioned. Not wanting to admit Castiel was the reason, you simply gave nothing away. Or so you had thought. 

"I was just upset, but Bobby talked about it with me. I'm better now," you explained. They all three looked at you, the same confused faces as before. 

"Who?" Sam quizzed. You looked between Dean and Sam. Cas had his gaze to the ground. 

"Bobby," you said without question. " he went in there to get you so we could talk about what all is going on."

"Bobby. As in Bobby Singer?" Dean asked. 

"I don't know. I mean, I just remember you calling him Bobby. The guy in the picture in your room. The one with you and Sam." They didn't say anything. Dean looked away from you and it looked as if he was getting upset. 

"Cas, what the hell is going on?" He questioned. 

"Wait a minute. What do you mean?" they all looked at you. Deans expression held anger, Sam confusion as before and Cas looked unclear. "Where is Bobby?" you pushed. They didn't answer. But with their hesitation replayed like earlier, you already knew. Bobby was dead. Had been for a while. The expressions on their faces made you feel queasy. They were all attached to Bobby, and you brought up his death as if it had never happened. You felt remorse, and the rise in your throat. You were going to be sick. 

You pushed past the guys in a fast walk. It was rising in your throat faster than you realized and you darted off to the bathroom. You made it to the toilet just as you heaved. Cas was by your side, holding your hair back. You finished and flushed but you sat back and leaned your back against the shower. You put your head in your hands and the tears escaped again. Castiel pulled you into an embrace and whispered that everything was alright. You pushed him away and stood up. He watched your actions intently standing up as you had. 

"No, no it's not. Don't you sit there and lie to me. Nothing about this is alright. I'm seeing people that are dead Castiel. It seems to happen when I'm in need of a form comfort." you retorted. He began to speak but you cut him off. " They seem so real. They are real, I can touch them. I dont understand any of this." you wiped your face on your shirt. He looked at you longingly. He knew something you didn't. 

"But you do." you said softly; upset by his lack of sharing. He saw the hurt in your eyes and looked away. 

"Tell me." you insisted. He looked back up at you and moved towards you filling the space between. Watching him closely, he wrapped his arm around you and pulled you into a soft, but unchaste kiss. You moved your hands up to his face and into his hair. He caught you in a bad moment. You yearned for his touch. His lips to yours. His embrace. But you wanted to know what the hell was going on. You withdrew your hands and pushed them against his chest prying him off. He looked at you unsure of why you retracted. 

"What is happening. Why am I seeing your brother and Bobby. Help me understand." you pleaded. 

"No," he said without question. 

"Why not?" you asked exasperated. 

"Because I can't." he tensed up. That pissed you off. 

" YES YOU CAN. YOU KNOW WHY THIS IS HAPPENING. JUST TELL ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON. IM TIRED OF THIS "I CANT" SHIT, CASTIEL. YOU SAY YOU CANT, BUT THEN YOU WIND UP DOING IT ANYWAY. YOUR DAMN WELL CAPABLE YOU JUST DONT WANT TO. THESE DECISIONS YOUR MAKING ARE NOT JUST AFFECTING YOU. WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT, IM IN THE MIDDLE OF IT. AND TO TOP IT OFF, YOUR PISSING ME OFF, MAKING ME CRY, AND ALL OTHER KINDS OF SHIT, " you yelled. 

It was quite for a minute. You looked at the floor not wanting to look at him. He stared straight through you. 

"I made you cry? " he questioned softly. You looked up giving him a death stare. You were not in the mood for his innocence. Just being near him was making your rage increase. You tried to walk past him through the door but he caught your arm. 

"(Y/n)," he began. 

"Don't. Unless your going to tell me what the fuck is going on, don't bother." you yanked your arm from his grip and continued on your way. 

As you walked into the kitchen, Sam and Dean sat awkwardly at the table. They heard the fight. Honestly, by how loud you yelled, you couldn't blame them from looking uncomfortable. You grabbed a water from the fridge and spoke softly to them. 

"Since no one wants to tell me what is happening, I'll be in the bunker somewhere. Im gonna explore. I know none of the information so I am no help to the group." both Sam and Dean looked up at you and you walked out of the room. They didn't smile, they knew to leave you alone. 

You headed to your room and put in your head phones. You turned back and walked down the hallway headed to unfamiliar rooms. At first you kept walking undecided in which room to enter first. 

\--------------------------------------------------------

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I sat at the table next to Sam, talking about an old memory I had of Bobby. Sam had shared a few, and now I was doing the same. Right as I was about to tell the funny part, yelling started in the other room. 

"She's laying into him again." I said. 

"He needs to just tell her, she's already involved. Its to late," Sammy explained. 

"Yeah, I know. He's just trying to protect her. He doesn't realize what he's putting her through though." I added. 

"Well Dean, that's because he has never felt emotion before. Remember he was telling us that he didn't know how to respond to her. He came to us for help. But Dean, we know very little about this whole situation. An angel and a human havnt ever been paired before. At least not where they have came in contact. There's nothing over this."

"Sam, were just going to have to do our best. They both need us. We'll just have to do some research on other soulmate crap. In the meantime, teach him how to feel love. He can't keep treating her like he is, because she can't handle it," I was cut off as (Y/n) stormed into the room. 

She grabbed a water, smarted off, and left the room. I didn't dare say anything, and luckily Sammy was smart enough to keep his cake hole shut too. I looked over at him as Cas flew into the room. He looked down and stressed. 

"She didn't put a collar on you and whip you, did she?" I smarted off. As soon as it came out I admit I regreted it. I was given a surprise stare by Sam, and a demonic stare by Cas. *some angel* I thought. 

"Dean?" Sam snarled. 

"What? It was a joke. Cas come on. What are you doing anyway?" I questioned. He gave me another look and made his way over to the table. As he sat down he grunted. 

"I don't know Dean. Im trying, I just... I don't think I'm doing it right." Cas explained. 

"Cas, she already loves you, it came with the whole soulmate package. Im talking about what your not telling her. That is the whole reason for her uproar." I stated. Sam looked from me to Cas. 

"He's right, you need to tell her. She's already involved. Keeping secrets from her is one reason she keeps yelling at you. It's not good for your... Your relationship." Sam insisted. Cas looked up from the table up to Sam and gave him his squinted stare. 

"I'm trying to protect her. I don't want her to get hurt. The less she knows the better." 

"Cas, Im sitting here listening to the words come out of your mouth. I know your trying to protect her, but do you really think that the less she knows the better off she is? This whole soulmate thing is a two way street. Not only if she gets kidnapped by one of them, but what if they take you. Imagine what that would do to her. She wouldnt know what to do, because your not telling her what she needs to know." I presumed. He looked down from me back to the table. He hesitated for a while, unsure of what to say. 

"Fine, I will tell her now," he stood up to go find her. 

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" I yelled in a whisper?! "You can't just go tell her now. She just dominated over you, if you tell her now you'll be wearing that collar for sure." Cas's gaze was full of annoyance. Sam gave me his bitch face and talked over. 

"What Dean is trying to say, is you need to give her some space. Let her cool down a bit. Let her make her way back to you. If you try to push yourself to her, it's not going to work out very well." Sam stated as he glanced between Cas and myself. Cas sat back down and put his head in his hands. 

"This is all so confusing," he finally said. 

"Hey, have you ever had a gut feeling?" Sam asked after a while. I looked up at him and gave him a confused look and shook my head. As if to say, what the hell does that have to do with anything. Cas must have thought the same thing because he glanced up and gave Sam the same look. 

"I mean, have you ever felt like you should do something that felt right, so you just went for it. Like when your around (y/n)?" Sam added. Cas sat up straighter and removed his hands from his face. 

"Yes," he answered almost mutely. Sam was fixing to continue but I decided to butt in. 

"Like what?" I quizzed. Sammy turned his head sharp at me. 

"Dean?!" he mouthed. I ignored him and looked back at Cas. His expression looked as if he was flashing back to that time. Or times. A small smirk slowly played across his lips. 

"Well Cas?" I pushed. He looked up at me and lost the smirk. What did he do. What had they done. Had they already kissed yet. Surely they havnt already slept together. Not by the way they are both acting. Damn it Cas tell me, you know I'm nosey. Finally I raised my brows pushing for the details. 

"I kissed her." he said shyly. *Awe how adorable* I thought with a smirk of satisfaction. I was swimming in it until Sam spoke and ruined my victory moment. 

"You did? That's, that's great Cas. What did she do, how did she take it?" Sam focused more on their feelings. I am only curious on all the dirty details. 

"Well, at first I stopped and pulled away. I hadn't realized what I was doing until it happened. I tried apologizing, but she ignored it." he managed. Cas what the hell. Out of all the things me and Sam have been teaching you, we never once said to apologize. I shook my head, apparently grabbing both of their attention. 

"What Dean?" Sam questioned. I shook it again and told Cas to continue. 

"She moved back over to me, and sat on my lap." Man this is getting pretty interesting. I kept quite waiting to hear the sex scene that was about to surface. *Maybe they had done the horizontal salsa* I thought as I smiled to myself.   
" I kissed her again, and after a while she pulled away. A few words were said and she got up. Then I got up and," I cut him off. 

"Wait, so did you guys have sex?" Sam looked at me again but didn't say anything this time. Looking back at Cas, he gave me a questioning look but continued. 

" Anyway, I got up to leave her alone to rest, she yelled at me some more. After that, we argued some more and then she asked me to kiss her again. While kissing her, I took us back to her room and sat with her on the bed." Again, I cut him off. 

"Stop right there, where were you before you took her to her room?"

"We were in your room Dean." he said it completely natural as of nothing was wrong with it. I gave him a shocked stare. Sam must have seen my expression cause he started to laugh. They almost had sex in my room. On my bed.

"Sam what is funny? " Cas asked. Sam couldn't stop. He was almost rolling. 

"Cas, you and (y/n) are never allowed in my room again." I am totally washing my sheets. Cas still didn't seem to understand, but Sam finally composed enough to tell Cas to continue.

"We kissed for about a half hour." he stated. Knowing now they were out of my room when they continued their business, I began to get interested again. 

"Half an hour?" I questioned. "Neither one of you making the first move? Cas for heads up, it's usually a few minutes, and then you make the move if she hasn't. But anyway half an hour, who made the move and how was it?" Cas gave me a blank stare. He said nothing.   
"Well?" I interrogated. 

"No one made the first move, Dean." he stammered. 

"Why the hell not? What did you do after the thirty minutes? Just stop?" he gave me his own bitch face. He was probably getting tired of my questions. 

"No Dean, you called her cell phone." he stated. Damn it. I meddled in at the wrong time. If I would have waited a little longer. Then it hit me. I sat straight up looking hurt. 

"Is that why you ignored us? We could have been in danger Cas!" I snapped. 

"You were fine Dean," he replied. "I listened in on what you were saying, and you weren't distressed." He's kidding right. Man, what was she doing to him. He was already starting to choose her over us. 

"Dean, you're not mad that Cas is spending time with her are you?" Sam asked in a smart ass remark. "I mean, they are soulmates. Private time is a necessity in this case." at that remark, Cas squirmed in his seat. Sam and I both looked up to him. "What is it Cas?" Sam asked. He said nothing. Then I gathered all my thoughts. 

"Cas, don't be that awkward virgin." I joked. Apparently, I'm in the wrong for all my jokes. I keep receiveing evil stares from them both.

"Dean, I don't know what or how to-to... " he went blank, not wanting to say the inevitable. 

"Cas, it's just sex. Everyone does it. It's not something to be shy about." I smirked. His face went red and he looked off to the distance away from Sam and I. Turning back, but glaring at the table he retorted. 

"Dean, I know nothing about intercourse" he stumbled. A huge smile grew on my face and Sam just shook his head. 

"You angels are way to pure for this planet." I remarked. "Cas, when the time comes; whenever that maybe, just follow your gut feeling as Sam said." I threw in. I believe this is the point Sam had been trying to reach earlier. "And for the record, I meant what I said. Stay out of my room." 

As I got up and walked over to the fridge to grab a beer, a huge scream echoed throughout the whole bunker. (Y/n)!

"Son of a bitch!" I yelled, as both Sam and Cas threw themselves out of their chairs, racing down the hallway.


	9. Chapter 9

Readers POV

As you walked down the hallway, you turned down another one. This place seemed like an endless maze. Getting lost in here would be easy, but you didn't care. It seemed like fun to take random turns, and maybe not be able to make your way out. At the moment,you didn't even want to be found. The angel, the boys, pretty much everything about them was pissing you off. Even the sound of their breathing. They just made you so angry. Angrier than you've ever felt. You honestly felt like choking them out and throwing a few punches. Especially at Castiel. For not telling you what was going on. For grabbing your arm the way he did. Oh, it was so hard not to completely rip his head off when he did that. You were furious. You turned your music up even louder, trying to drowned out your thoughts. 

The lights down the hallways were dim. The bulbs more than likely needed to be changed, but as long as they were on and you could see, that's all that mattered. The path you took made a dead end; however, there was a single door that led to an isolated room. You noticed all the hallways had multiple rooms to enter, but this hallway was desolate. Except for this one, single door. 

You opened the door and looked into the room before stepping in. This room was out if the ordinary. There was children's toys everywhere, and a small bed with pink lacy covers. If it hadn't of been out of place with the rest of the bunker, you would have thought nothing of it. You took a few steps in, still looking around. You made your way over to a small tea table. It was set only needing the hosts to occupy it. You gave the stuffed animals a quick glance before the lights started to flicker. Looking up and turning quickly, you heard a small childish girly, giggle. 

The little girl had blonde hair that went past her shoulders. She was no more that 7 or 8 years old. She wore a white dress that had a little stain on the bottom. You looked at her, wondering why she was down here all alone. If anyone even knew she was down here. 

"Hello?" you said in question form. As she was looking at you she giggled again. 

"Hello, will you play with me." the small child quickly questioned. She motioned over to the tea table, and walked to her seat. Without question, you followed sitting on your knees across from her. She looked at you and smiled. 

"Would you like some tea?" she asked seriously. You decided niceness would be relevant. 

"Oh, yes please." she laughed at the way you said it. Her smile made you smile. She was a beautiful little girl, and she reminded you of your younger self. But in the same instant, you thought of your little brother. The one you had killed. The one who loved you most. The one who trusted you. The girl noticed your sadness and she formed a frown. Before she had the chance to ask you what was wrong, you quickly interrupted. 

"What's your name?" you asked. Her smile returned. 

"I'm Lilith," she said as she poured your fake tea. It was a strange name. You'd never heard it before, but at the same time it was pretty. It suited her. 

"Well, thank you Lilith. It's nice of you to invite me to join you. I'm (y/n)," you said strongly. She pretended to fill the stuffed animals cups. As she pushed her blonde hair back behind her ear, you thought about how nice it was to have someone so simple in your life again. Not an angel, not the two brothers, nor the stupid witch that dragged you into this mess, but a girl. An innocence of only a child. 

Your mind started racing again. You missed having friends. Your old friends. You missed your old life, with your old simple family, and your ordinary boyfriend. Back then you didn't have a witch curse upon you, or a stupid soulmate relation with a certain stubborn annoying angel. You didn't have the brother's to back up the stubborn, annoying angel. Life was care free. Back then, when the only struggle was trying to make an a on your pre-cal exam. The more you thought, the more furious you became. Why did it have to be this way. The realization of being stuck with the angel for the rest of your life hit you. You could never leave, it wouldnt be safe for either of you. Things would be different if he didn't make you so mad. Your rage radiated off of you. Why couldn't he just explain what was going on. Why did you need to be kept in the dark. You come back to earth with the sweet gentle call of your name. 

"(Y/n)," Lilith called after you. You looked up, but her blue eyes were gone, replaced by nothing but white. It looked as if her eyes had rolled back into her head. She was smiling at you, in a way that scared the living shit out of you. She raised her hands up as if to pick up a bottle, only it wasn't a bottle, it was you. She was standing across the table and she had a grip on your throat without physical contact. You grabbed at your throat, you could barely breathe. You were gasping for air. The way it all looked, it all reminded you of some sort of telekinesis. Was that even possible. What is she, she's only a little girl. 

Your feet rose off of the floor, leaving you hanging in the air, still grabbing your throat. All of a sudden she flung you into a wall. You felt pain all the way up and down your spinal column. You couldn't move, you could barely breathe. The giggling started up again. You looked over at her and the smile was still displayed across her face. It grew wider. She moved her other arm up and all at once everything combusted. The ceramic tea set, the stuffed animals. Glass and stuffing flying everywhere, and somewhere in the midst of it all, the bed was lit on fire. Everything was happening so fast. You don't know where you got the power to do so, but you yelled at the top of your lungs for as long as you could. 

You fell to the ground. Looking up, Lilith was nowhere in sight. You were thankful you had control over your body again. Glass was everywhere, and it cut slits into your feet as you fleed the room. The bed was still ablaze. You wanted nothing more to do with this room. As you got near the door, the lights started flickering again and within a few short seconds they turned off and the door slammed shut. The giggles began again, filling the room with an echo. You couldn't tell which way they were coming from. You started screaming again. Beating at the door, the giggles turned into a solid laughter and it was getting louder by the second. Then the pitch went to a very high frequence. Your hands instantly holding at your ears. A warm thick liquid encased around your fingers dripping down your palm. Your screaming halted, tears taking over. *SOMEBODY HELP ME!* you screamed over and over again in your head. 

After sometime, you heard yelling from outside the door a little down the hallway. All of a sudden, the pitch stopped and the door swung open. The lights remained off, but you didn't care. You ran from the room, tears continuing down your face. You ran into the first a set of arms. It was Sam, you could tell by the height of his body and the width of his muscles. You held him tight, without the intention of ever letting him go. The presence of all three of them made you cry even more. You had both of Sam's hands rubbing your back and another additional that felt like that size of deans. Looking through your tear swollen eyes, you saw Castiel. His eyes held so much pain, they looked as if they were about to shed tears of there own. You shut your eyes and burried your face into Sam's chest. You werent paying any attention to what they were saying. They had been asking you so many questions at once and you were to choked up to answer. 

"I'm going to go look in the room," Dean stated. You tore away from Sammy faster than the wind of a hurricane.   
"NO!" you screamed. Your breathing began to falter as you reached out to grab Dean around the waist. You put your head against his back shoulder blade like you had done with Castiel Hours before. He turned and wrapped his arms around you imitateing Sam's posture. Your breathing was rigid. Each second that went by it got harder for you to breath. You werent getting the correct amount of oxygen supply. Tuning them out you tried to concentrate on your breathing. Making yourself breathe in and out. Instructing your lungs to do their job. The embrace Dean had on you was removed and you were placed into another set of arms; the angels. As you looked up at him, he raised his hand and placed two fingers on your forehead. Everything went black.   
\--------------------------------------------------------

Çåšťïėł PØV

I watched her sleep aimlessly. Even asleep she was beautiful; body and soul. Her bangs fell into her closed eyes. She's perfect. She's mine, all mine; as I am hers. 

I'm scared for her. I'm scared of the danger that lurks ahead. It's ironic, as humans say; that an angel be faced upon fear. I fear what could happen to her and I fear hurting her myself. Not physically, no I could never harm her, but emotionally. Humans live on emotions and actions. Being an angel, I am faced with the horrible disposition of being demented about emotions. 

I do not understand how to go about when she is angry. Or when she's upset; all emotions except for happiness. Happiness I comprehend. Especially when she smiles. It's as if all bad things in this world are eliminated. And when her cheeks flush red when she doesn't want them to, I am yet again reminded of all her imperfections; but they make her perfect. 

I've talked to Sam and Dean; explaining how I feel about her. Under their terms, I am in love with her. This feeling, it hurts and yet it is all so amazing. My vessel reacts to her demands without my consent. Sometimes I am caught off guard; I want to kiss her and as I am talking myself out of it, my lips are resting on hers. When she kisses me back, I loose myself in her. She makes me happy, I believe. And yet, unless my vessel controls itself, I am unable to show her how I feel. 

I looked upon her, as she shifted in her bed. After a moment, her eyes opened. She looked up at the fan, and watched it spin. She's thinking, but what about. Moments later she shot right up and looked around the room. Immediately her eyes locked with mine. 

"Castiel?" she said softly. I am rather fond of her saying my name the way she's does. In fact, I love it. Like I love her; everything about her. I leaned off of the wall and walked over to her slowly. I knew what she was going to ask before she even spoke. She would ask if what had happened was real, or if it was a false accusation. Unfortunately, she saw what she saw. It's part of our soulmate "situation" as Sam and Dean refer it. My (yn) is able to see, speak to, and touch the dead. Were uncertain of who she saw this time, but it affected her physically this time. She was injured and I had to heal her, and in order for me to do that, I had to put her to sleep; before her panic attack worsened. Im afraid of what else could and will happen as we grow together. When our bond is stronger. 

Before I kissed her, she was safe. We had no correlation. I started this, and now she will never be safe without me. Even with me near, but not in sight, she was harmed. But by who; or what?

"(Y/n), who did-," she cut me off by pushing back the covers and hugging me. Her arms around my neck, she laid her head on my neck with her chin touching my shoulder. Unaware, I wrapped my arms around her pulling her closer.  
I immediately felt my shoulder dampen, as she sniffled close by my ear. I held her tighter, not sure what to say. 

"Oh Cas," she fumbled out before she was completely consumed in tears. 

"Your alright now," I tried reasurringly. Her tears kept falling and I didn't understand what I should do. I pulled her from me and looked into her eyes. They were beginning to swell as they had before. Her sadness made me feel as if I were dying. Before I knew it, I was kissing her. I was begging for her to stop the tears. After a few seconds, she kissed me back; forcefully. Before I met her, I never knew what fascinated people enough to stick their tongue into someone else's mouth. This moment that I shared with her, was like a new heaven. Our kiss started off gentle; but somehow, we both became rough with one another. It happened all at once. I didn't know what was happening, all I knew was that I needed her. I pulled away, remembering what she had told me, "one step at a time." I did not want to force her into this. 

She looked back at me. Searching into my eyes as I was hers. We stayed like that for a while, trying to determine what the other was thinking. 

"(Y/n)," I observed.   
"Castiel," she whispered. Slowly, her lips made their way to mine. Immediately her hands made there way to my chest, pulling off my coat. The next one followed the first to the floor. I blandly stroked my fingers through her hair like she had done mine when we first kissed. This time wasn't like the others. This time we were more straightforward. More "dominant" as Dean once said. We were taking ownership of what was ours. 

She moved to my tie, sliding it off my collar and made her way down to the buttons on my shirt. She pushed the sleeves down my shoulders and dragged her fingers down my chest. They made their way down past my stomach, towards the button on my pants. Undoing my belt, I moved my hands to hers, pulling them away. I lifted her up, moved forward onto the middle of the bed, and I rested on top of her. I didn't want to wait any longer. I couldn't, this feeling was too commanding. 

Within a few seconds, I undressed both of us completely. She didn't bother to question my gift. Less than a moment, I was consumed in her. I had went with my gut feeling. 

\--------------------------------------------------------  
Readers POV

You awoke snuggled against the angel. You were no longer completely undressed. You wore your matching bra and underwear, and he was only clothed with his white boxer briefs. You had yet to look up into his eyes; your head still rested on his chest. Lifting your arm, you traced your pointer finger around his navel and down to his happy trail then back up to where you started. You repeated this process a few times, before he placed a kiss on your head. 

Looking up, a slight smile appeared upon his lips. His hair clearly gave away your previous activities. His eyes were vibrant in this late morning hour. It must have been around 11:30 ish if not later. But from the night you had with white eyes and the combustion of glass and fire, you had a reliable reason. Thinking about white eyes, you must have formed a frown. Remembering being unable to breath or move. Trying to escape, but held captive being all alone with the thing you thought of as a precious little girl. 

Castiel noticed the frown immediately.   
"Whats wrong?" he asked. As he said it, his body tensed, unaware of the factor causing your unhappiness. You gained your voice. Yea, last night was hell, but it was also served with a little side of heaven. Your angel was here with you now. You were safe. 

"It's nothing. I'm fine now, she was just terrifying. Did Sam and Dean put the fire out and clean up the glass?" you asked. He became confused. He looked at you quizzically before he spoke. 

"What happened, what did you see." you fumbled with your own hands. You looked down and placed your head back on his chest. You knew by his tone, it wasn't real. You had imagined it like the other times. He pressed the question again. 

"Cas, it doesn't matter anymore its over. It wasn't real anyway." you stated. He reached for your face. Pulling you into a kiss, you moved your hands to the nape of his neck massaging his hair with your fingers. He pulled away and gave you a blank stare. 

"I need to know what happened." he insisted. He was getting pushy again. The way he gets when you ask him things and he doesn't want to tell you. You didn't want this, everything was going great, you didn't want to fight again. *His mood changes to quickly* you thought. From the tone he gave you, you decided to tell him something. And by something, you meant your opinion. 

" You want to know what happened?" you said rather gravely. Now he'd done it, he set you off again. Who was he to say you had to tell him anything, when he barely ever spoke to you. The way he infuriated you at times, you wondered if this soulmate thing was a hoax. Before you started, you physically heard him swallowing. It was already to late when he noticed he used the wrong tone. 

"What happened, is you." you expelled sharply. 

"(Y/n)," he said solumly. But you intervened, not giving him a chance to rephrase his statement. 

"And for the record if you ever, and I mean ever, grab my arm like you did, again..." you trailed off. Just thinking about it made you want to leave. To just get up and walk out. Out of the room, out of the bunker, anywhere except around him. Why did you let him get to you like this. 

You pulled away from his hold. Standing up, you spotted your shirt on the floor. Grabbing it and your pants, you walked out of the room to the bathroom. You wanted to lock the door, but it would do no good. He was a freaking Angel. You just hoped he'd have enough knowledge about humans to know that you needed your space. 

After redressing, brushing your teeth and hair, and washing your face, you walked back into the bedroom. Castiel was fully dressed, trench coat and all, and he sat on the foot of the bed. He watched you intently, pleading with a look of remorse. 

"Where are Sam and Dean?" you demanded. You weren't going to back down. If this "relationship" was going to work, he was the one that needed to be completely honest and stop keeping everything from you. 

"They are in the kitchen," he answered. You left the room hastily. Not bothering to give him a second look. You weren't going to give into him, but you did have a few questions. So instead of giving the angel exactly what he wanted, you weren't even going to bother discussing what happened, to him. You were going to discuss it with the brothers.


	10. Chapter 10

You made your way to the kitchen hastily. You were in no mood for anymore games. Sam was seated at the table, and Dean propped up against the bar, beer in hand. They had been in mid discussion about something as you walked in. 

"What the hell is happening?" you tried strongly. They both stopped and glanced up at you. After a moment, their eyes shifted to behind you. "Cas go, I need to speak to Sam and Dean." you spat without having to look behind you. He shuffled towards you and attempted to wrap his arms around you. 

"Castiel!" you spoke again taking a step from him. Sam interfered. 

"(y/n), Cas should be here."

"Ha, should be? Hell Sam he needs to be," Dean corrected looking to you. You hesitated; you knew if he stayed, they weren't going to tell you anything. But you tried anyway. 

"Fine! Just somebody tell me what the hell is going on. Why am I seeing dead people. In case you haven't thought it through, it's not normal." you shared. A couple of minutes went by with no one saying a word. You waited patiently, but the silence started to get the best of you. 

"Well?" you asked demandingly. Without a seconds hesitation, Dean ended the long pause. 

"It has something to do with your soul connection." he stammered. What? As in between you and Castiel? Before you could question, Sam continued. 

" As you were told by Gabriel, you and Cas are physically, emotionally, and mentally connected. Your soulmates. Now about that specific topic, there are libraries after libraries over soulmate clauses. However; it seems to be that an angel and a humans soul have never been paired. With the standard soulmate human grouping, strange things do occur. Same with the angel groupings, even though they don't show affection they still accompany one another." you were still confused. You had only learned a little piece of information from what Sam had just told you. 

"I still don't understand," you stated simply. Dean spoke up this time, trying to clue you in. 

" What were saying is, is that weird things happen in human to human groupings, angel to angel groupings, both being able to do something drastic when they have been introduced. Such as humans feel a more varied variety of emotions, angels can see a broader range of spiritual spectrum." you thought about what he said, trying to piece everything together. "And since your human and Cas is an angel," he explained, creating claws with his hands and shoving them together," these abilities seem to have converged."

"So,... " you trailed off. 

"So, your not really seeing dead people." Sam released. "Your seeing their spirit. Whether it resides in Heaven, Hell, and/or, but not excluding, purgatory." You stopped for a moment. Froze only by superstition. What did this mean exactly? You could see the dead, but their not necessarily dead? But wait, if the spiritual nature still resides, have these occurrences brought the spirits down from heaven, or up from hell? And where ever purgatory resides? Hold on, did this mean the little girl, really is a monster? Well was a monster?

"Lilith, was a demon," a hushed voice said from behind you. Castiel hadn't spoke a word since this conversation began. You turned to him questionably, wondering how he knew you were curious about that. He looked down and then back up again. 

"I can read your thoughts. Not all the time, just certain instances." he answered your yet again silent question. You looked at him with pure uncertainty. You didn't know he could do that. Hell, there was a lot that you didn't freaking know. You loved him as he loved you, he aggravated you as you made him uncomfortable with your violent remarks. That's all you knew. Well that and this new fact. 

"Can you choose to read them?" you asked him hushedly. 

"Yes," he answered. You thought-asked him if he could read them right now, and he replied with another "Yes,".

"Cas, I don't want you reading my mind," you stated a little creeped out. 

"(y/n), it's how I know what you want, and what your thinking. I've never been through this before and without your guidance, I-Im uncertain." he pleaded. You argued your point. 

"Castiel, I do not, repeat, do not want you reading my mind." he stepped back as if he had been defeated. Angel or not, my thoughts were personal. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. 

"(Y/n), as this is not only affecting your ability between life and death, but it's also messing with your mood." Sam shared. " Actions towards human soulmates are only of love, care and compassion. For angels, they don't feel emotion. Before you and Cas met, he started straying from angelic ways and started to express emotion in a slow pace. Now, he is overridden with the emotions of human love towards you, where as you have taken in more of the angel part." *Excuse me?! What the hell was he saying? I know he is not implying that I'm heartless like the majority of the feathery Ass holes.* you thought to yourself. He immediately pulled his hands up in a no offense way, your expression must have showed exactly what you were thinking. 

"Hey Cas, the good thing is, is that you don't always have to read her thoughts to see how she's feeling," Dean smarted off. You left your gaze from Sam, only time present it to Dean himself. His small smirk immediately slipped away. 

"What are- I show him love!" you tried in defense. 

"Were not saying that you haven't (y/n), were just saying that,... You know... You've been... Sammy want to help me out here?" Dean quizzed. 

"All were saying is that, Cas has been nothing but loving to you, and well, you've lashed out on him a few times." Sam finished. 

"So I'm the bad guy in this?" you said in a whisper. 

"Were not saying that-, " Dean attempted but you intruded. 

" No, that's exactly what your saying. I went out on a walk; I put him in danger. I try to make a point that he's not the only one involved in this-this mess; I was in the wrong for yelling at him for aggravating me because he wouldn't clue me in. I don't want him reading my thoughts because they are personal; but yet I'm the one being an angelic Ass hole." you could have kept rambling but Dean cut you off. 

"(Y/n), your doing it right now. Your getting moody." he scrambled. 

"Dean Winchester, don't you dare talk to me about being moody. You alone are a narcissistic, attention craving, self-centered, douche bag. Not everything is about you." you yelled. 

"Guys!" Sam yelled, " stop, before you say something you don't mean." 

"And you Sam, not every problem can be solved. Yeah, you were Lucifer's vessel in the idea of the destruction of the world, and you made it out. Yeah, you got hooked on Demon blood, and you withdrew from it. And so what an angel possessed you in order to save your sorry Ass. In the end, it all doesn't matter. You know why Sam?" you looked around the room at each of the guys. They all shared the same facial expression. Hurt. " It all doesn't matter, because there will always be something else. Another thing that will start a feud between you and your brother. You know why, because this life were living, it's not normal. You, Sam, will never be Normal. No matter how much you want it to be, because nobody gives a shit about you. Hell, Dean chose a vampire, angels, and even demons over you Sam. Grow up, stop dreaming of living normally, with a house, a wife and kids. It's never going to happen! Your father tried to tell you Sam, you'll never be normal, you'll always be different. " you spat.   
Sam looked at you, his eyes tearing up a bit. He started to take the few step that were between you to fill in the gap. When he was about a foot away from your face, Dean blocked you, and held Sam back. Sam didn't fight Dean off. However, he did move his face right into yours. 

"You're a bitch," he managed to finally say. Almost unheard due to the hushed whisper that it was formed. He looked down away from you. He pushed Dean off and turned walking out of the room. You looked up at Dean, his jaw in a tight line. 

"Yeah you are," he looked at you as he went following his brother. You didn't feel bad about what you said, but you didn't feel great about it either. In fact it didn't even seem to phase you. You should of felt bad, but you didn't. To your left, Cas shifted his weight drawing attention to himself. You spun around and glared at him. 

"This isn't you, (y/n). You didn't mean it. Any of it," he spoke softly. Your emotions gone. You didn't care if you hurt anyone. Why should you, if it didn't affect you physically, why would you let it bother you? 

"Why are you still here?" you asked in a plain, simple voice. " I told you I didn't want you here. I told you I wanted to talk to them alone. Cas, why are you still here." you began softly, but towards the end it was more of a rude demanding tone. Within a second, the angel vanished. 

________________________________________  
About an hour had past and you sat at the table. You were hungry, but you didn't know what you wanted. The longer you sat there, the worse you started to feel. Last night, after Lilith, was amazing. It was so great, you and your angel were content. This morning started off great as well, but then it just all turned to shit. 

The boys were right. You had been unbelievably moody lately. But it wasn't by choice, you didn't mean to it just sort of happened. It was as if a side of you that you didn't know, just completely consumed you. Looking back on it, it felt as if you didn't even have a soul. You felt nothing towards their pain. Well at the time you hadn't. Now, you just felt like the bitch that they called you. 

All of your emotions settled in, and you couldn't stop the tears from falling. You couldn't call Cas, you knew he would forgive you immediately. And that's not what you wanted; you didn't deserve it. You couldn't run to Sam or Dean, after all that they've done for you and this. This is how you repay them? By pointing out all of their flaws just to make your selfish ass feel better? By crushing their hopes and dreams of their future? The tears ran like a busted faucet. You didn't know which was worse; feeling emotion, or feeling nothing. 

"Sammy will come back around," an unfamiliar voice spoke to you. Glancing up, you knew him. Just by appearance of course, but it was him. The one and only, John Winchester. By seeing him in person, you saw both Dean and Sam in him. There was no denying the correlation. 

"Sam always has these little fits. When the two of us can't quite seem to see eye to eye, he flares up like a bull. And Dean, well Dean always goes after him to cool him down." John spoke without a humorous tone. You looked up at him, the tears falling, but deminishing rather quickly. You didn't know why, but you opened up, and started filling the guy with your problems. 

"I don't know what's happening John. I'm changing and I don't know what to do and apparently I can't stop it. I didn't mean to say those awful things. I didn't mean to hurt Sam or Dean or even Cas." you said sadly. " I know what there telling me, but I don't understand. This whole thing is-is just a huge mess." you confessed. 

"Do you love him?" he questioned. Why was he asking this? Noting your lack of response, John repeated his question. "(Y/n), do you love him?" 

"Yes John, but I-," he stopped you. 

"Then why are you fighting it?" He asked momentarily. " Relationships, all of them, are based on trust. You need to trust Castiel. When the time comes for you to know something, he won't hesitate to inform you. Trust me," he laughed at his little joke. That gesture reminded you of Dean. "(y/n), he's only trying to protect you. When he makes you feel a certain way, one of us come in, to either comfort you, or worse. It's all dependent on your mood. For instance, Gabriel came to make you aware of your situation; Bobby came for comfort; Lilith came to replace your rage with fear. And me, I'm here to help you understand." you looked at him, a little ounce of hope resting in your eyes. "I came, because your ready to learn. Your tired of hurting the boys, I can see that. The real lesson to learn from all this confusion,is to simply follow your heart. As cheesy as it may sound. Do what feels right, yeah there will be many things that appear that you are not accustomed to, this is where Castiel comes. To guide you through the tough, emotionless angelic part of this situation. He's used to it, let him in and let him help. The same goes for him. He's an angel, and hasn't been around humans long enough to understand; just like you havnt been around angels. Help him with the emotions he doesn't understand. If you can't explain it, show him. It seemed to work quite well the first few times." your mouth gaped open appallingly. He gave you a smile, shining off his teeth. After what he said, you summarized it up in your head. 

"So, your saying that if I follow my heart, and stop fighting, ...this," you asked moving your hands circularly in the air at random, " then it will all stop?"

"No. However, you will not have to go through this alone. If you let Cas in and trust him, he won't leave. He will be your rock, as you will be his. You'll also have Sam and Dean. It's not easy for an angel and a human to be compatible. In fact no one even knew it was possible. But your souls demand it, and until you have full knowledge about whats going on, both you and Cas, then you wont be able to take control." 

"Your saying that, if we work together, we could make all of this stop eventually?" 

"It won't stop, you'll just be accustomed to it. It will be an everyday thing and it will have little effect to your lives. Your souls have created something, an off set pairing, so they are going to dominate over you, until the both of you find a happy medium. It's the simple concept of love in general. Couples have good days and bad days. When you find you are both happy, the problems will still be there, but they will be a fly on the wall." 

Thinking this over, you felt a slow understanding. If you let Cas in completely, you could work through this together. Like your souls want you to. You understood this, but something else was eating at you. 

"Hey John, can I ask you something else? " he approved with the nod of his head. 

"Why am I seeing you guys? I mean, is it due to converging with an angel or am I missing something else?" you asked. 

"It's to do with the angel yes, however, it also has to do with your dominant souls." he explained with a sly smile as he emphasized the word dominant. " your souls made the angel-human conversion. Like before stated its never happened before, so they are helping you in a way." 

You took this information and stored it in your mind.   
"Thank you John, " you said standing up. "I have some apologizing to do." as you walked to where Dean and Sam exited, John called back. 

"The boys, they are very forgiving (y/n). They forgave me for things, that I myself couldn't have forgave." he paused for a moment before he continued, "They forgive each other too, but yet the only person they have yet to forgive, is themselves." you turned back looking at John. He gave a weak smile, no doubt due to the old memories from which he had just recollected. 

"No one is perfect.They forgave you because your their father John. They don't give up or turn on family. Family is the most important concept in this crazy life their in, " you smiled confidantly for the first time in a while. You turned and went in search for your boys.


	11. Chapter 11

You walked out if the kitchen and into the hallway. You were set on apologizing, but you weren't exactly sure how to. You knew in the long run you would be forgiven, but what you had done really upset yourself. As you proceeded up to the doors of the library, you heard the slamming of books, the rustling of papers, and a vigorous set of fingers on a computer key board. 

Peeking through the door, you saw Sam on the computer, anger in his eyes. You'd never seen Sammy mad before, especially not at you. Dean was over by a shelf picking up books, quickly glancing through them, and then closing them shut; placing them on the table.

You could feel the tension through the door. Maybe now wasn't a good time, they needed to calm there nerves a little more first. You went back into the kitchen, and decided on toast for breakfast. John was no longer present. 

You spread strawberry jelly onto the two slices and poured you some milk. You set the table for one, and quickly sat down. Looking at your food, you felt a wave on nausea. Everyone was upset at you, they weren't calling you out as the bad person; you made yourself the bad person. Then in that moment, you decided to do something you hadn't done in what felt like a life time. 

You pushed your food away, scooted your chair up, and placed your hands together. Leaning your head into them, you started your prayer. 

"Dear Heavenly Father," you paused for a moment. " I realize it's been a while since I've done this. A lot has happened since my last prayer, most of it bad. I ask you for forgiveness, lord. For a while, I had lost sight of you. The darkness consumed me. When I should have looked to you for help, I masked in my own selfishness and self pity. Through this all, I have been overcome with sin, transgression, and a whole list of iniquities." Stopping again you thought about your initial point. "Lord, I've hurt the ones I love. I put them down in order to make me feel as if I had rised above them. I'm sorry." you strayed, tears escaping your clenched eyes. "Please, help them find it in them to forgive me." you were on the verge of giving in the amen, when something caught your attention. "Please, if it's any consolation, forgive me if it is a sin, for corrupting an angel with lustful thoughts and actions. Amen." you looked up immediately, due to a chuckle from the kitchen entrance. 

Castiel gave you a laugh, followed by an intent smile. After a moment you realized why he was laughing, and you laughed with him. Putting yourself at peace if only for a little while. 

"Corrupting an angel huh?" he said soothingly. He didn't read your thoughts, he just listened to your prayer. 

"Yeah," you exclaimed shyly. "Angels are pure and decent. After what happened last night... " you left off. 

"Last night sure was something," he announced with a child like grin. It quickly faded, and a frown formed. Must of been recalling the initial motive for the prayer. He looked at you longingly. "(Y/n)," he paused for a split second. "I want to hold you." you recalled his earlier attempt, and how you had pushed him away. He really was being extremely affectionate; for an angel nonetheless. You stood up and walked towards him. Standing in front of him, you both looked back at the other. Opening your arms, you plummeted into his chest. His arms wrapped around you as if to guard you from the world. You placed your head in the crook of his neck; he rested his chin on the crown of you head. You held each other for what felt like eternity. 

"Cas, I'm sorry," you finally managed to choke out. Tears had started again. You really were emotional these last few nights. He lifted your head up, and wiped away the tears with the pad of his thumb. 

"It's not your fault," he began. "Some angels are just ass holes, or so I'm told." he finished with a smile. This cheered you up

"Some of them so I've heard. But I know one who isn't." you smiled back. His eyes flew down to your lips, and then back to your (y/e/c) eyes. You did the same and without a second thought, your lips clashed. He was more than gentle; his tongue moved across your lips for permission. You opened, and he slid through your teeth. 

He was yours; all yours. You moved your hands up to his neck and lightly slid your fingers through his nape hair. He smiled into the kiss, forcing you to do the same. Pulling away, he pressed a kiss to your forehead, and then placed his where he had just kissed. 

Still smiling and playing with his hair, you decided it was time. You pulled away, and began to slide past your angel. 

"Are you not going to eat?" he asked. 

"I will, but I need to take care of something first. I know two brothers who need a meaningful, considerate apology." you gave him on last smile as you turned to leave. 

You still heard Sam typing on the keyboard, but instead of books closing, you heard the turning of pages. *Now or never* you thought. Pushing open the door, two heads popped up at you. In their face, the anger was gone, but distress replaced it. Putting your hands in your pockets, you first walked over to Dean. You had a few mini fights with him before and even though it shouldn't be, you felt comfortable with apologizing to him first. 

You hadn't broken the eye contact with him. He stared at you blankly as you made your way over to him. When you reached a preferable distance, a table width apart, you looked away from him. His gaze continued and you looked back up to speak. 

"Dean i-im sorry. For what I said, I didn't mean it, any of it. In that moment, I don't know what came over me, I-," you cleared your throat, " I'm sorry I called you a narcissistic, attention craving, self-centered douche bag." you said straight faced. He looked down away from you and stood up without a word. He slowly walked around the table as if he was going to walk out of the room. You accepted this, you wouldn't have forgave someone that quickly, why did you expect it from him. 

To your surprise, he didn't leave. He walked up to you and placed a hand on your shoulder. He looked at you straight laced. 

"Its alright," he said as he pulled you into a hug. You hugged him back, showing him that you meant your apology. As he pulled back, he gave you a slight smile, but it wasn't his signature flashy smile. He turned away from you and walked over to the same book shelf he was at earlier. Picking up another book, he looked back at you, then to Sam, and then you again before returning to the book. 

You turned in a 180 degree fashion to Sammy. He was lost in the computer, completely unphased of your presence. You carried your brick feet over to him. You got close enough to him and still gave him his space. 

"Hey Sam," you said softly as he looked up at you. He gave you an attempted smile. Like you thought about Dean, you thought he was going to return his focus to the screen and hoped you'd just go away. Instead he shut his computer and stood to hug you. After his embrace, you said your apology. 

"I said those things to you, but,"

"But it wasn't you (y/n), it's okay." he brushed off. 

"No Sam, it was me. I said them, but I didn't mean them. Dean, loves you Sam. Everything he does its for you; to protect you." he stopped you again. 

"I know," he insisted with smirk. The air between all of you became regular. No longer did it feel tense, or abnormal. Dean walked over, and Cas came from the doorway. He'd probably stood there watching before you even apologized to Dean. 

"Look, we've all done things were not proud of. In fact I'm sure we all have a list. But family sticks together. Were going to figure this out together. Just like we always do." Dean explained. 

"One step at a time." Castiel added. You looked into him, giving him a smile. He returned the favor without hesitation. 

"You love birds need alone time?" Dean questioned jokingly. Your face beamed red, Sam chuckled at Deans joke, and Cas, well Cas is Cas. He didn't understand his reference. Giving Dean a fake punch in the arm, you added. 

"Well have time for that later," you winked at your angel. "we have work to do at the moment,". 

"Wait, you guys aren't going to get all chickflicy, are you. There's a reason things go on behind "closed" doors." he shifted. 

"We'll just have to see," you remarked with a small smile. You knew he was messing around with you and you were getting him back. 

"Now Dean, your not going to get jealous of Cas are you? I mean, technically he has dibs on her. Your just going to have to find someone else to fantasize about." Sam intregued. You giggled at this, as Cas shot his head up to Dean. Dean held his hands up in defense. 

"Don't look at me, Sam was the one extending the hug." Dean threw in. Cas glared at Sam. 

"She is mine." Castiel demanded. Clearly he was missing the whole joke. Thinking back to what John had told you, you closed the gap between your angel. He watched you as your lips made their way to his. 

"I'm all yours." you reasurred. "They were just joking around," you whispered as you kissed the tip of his nose. This action made his smile return, and made you think for a moment. 

"Why weren't you this charming when we first met?" you asked jokingly. The angel looked at you in confusion as Dean answered. 

"Well, you see Cas had a little tiny huge crush on you and so he didn't know how to behave properly," he said exaggerately. Sam continued as Castiel blushed. 

"But it wasn't until he felt your soul, that he understood everything that was happening." You looked at Cas confused. When had he touched your soul. Was that even a real thing? 

"Yes," he began and then stopped. He suddenly remembered your wishes on his mind reading. "I apologize," he presumed. You laughed a little in his arms. 

"It's ok love," you presented. 

"When I searched your scar and found the hex bag, " he explained, " I accidentally touched your soul. The witch that cursed you knew you were connected to me. All along you were bait for Sam and Dean along with myself. It was fate for us to meet in some way or another."

The four of you talked about this for a while. They told you what all they knew, and explained what you didn't understand. Although, they weren't blood, they were your family. They were your brothers. This was your home, and whatever challenges you were to face, you would face them together. 

As you were heading back to the kitchen, leaving your three boys behind until you returned, you stopped for a moment and turned back. 

"Hey Sam," they all looked up towards you, " you don't want a normal life. People aren't as loving as you guys. After all you guys have been through, normal would be to bland; to boring." you stated with a smile while receiving three more. You decided now was the time to tell them who you had encountered. "In the end, family is all that matters. That's all John wanted you both to realize. Not that the world is filled with monsters. Not because he never wanted you to go to college. And certainly not because he wanted you to be a hunter like himself. He didn't want that for you guys. In the end family was all that he had. Because with all these monsters they took away everything but you two and he wanted you safe; both of you. Because in the end, he knew that with this crazy messed up world, that you would only have each other." 

Their smiles faded. Deans eyes had watered up at the mention of John. He knew that you had seen him. Cas looked at the ground, knowing this was a tough subject between the brothers. Sam lost his smile as well, but he didn't break eye contact. 

"I know," he said in a groggy voice. His eyes too, started to tear up. He looked over at Dean as Dean did the same to him. There was a silent moment between them both. They looked away, Sam back up to you. With the nod of his head, you returned the favor with a small smile towards them and carried on your way.


End file.
